It's that time of year again!
The time when plastic lawn ornaments, made by underage Chinese political prisoners in overlong night shifts, stand in the rain on this our warmer globe.
The time when you can hear the greatest hits of Whitney Houston - played on the pan flute, while drinking cheap hot wine that's only drinkable with enough cinnamon added to cover up the methanol taste.
That's right, lads and gentlebeings: It's time for that annually returning blog sensation, Celebrity Gift Suggestions.
This year, I'm kicking things off with the United States' favorite conspiracy theorist and fear monger, Glenn Beck. Don't spell his name Glen, as you never know when you might need an extra N to evoke Godwin's Law!
For Glenn Beck this year, a hypothetical loved one should run, not walk, to the local toy store to get him a box of Clue.
Because really, if Glenn isn't gonna get a Clue, we must buy one for him.
And no, Glenn: "President Obama with a forged birth certificate in the White House Library" is not a valid answer to win this game.