Now all we need is Jeff Gannon to be involved

The male prostitute who provided penis and crystal meth to Pastor Meth Ted Haggard claims that Larry Craig was his client, too.

I'd say that's too good to be true, but when has Mike Jones ever lied to us?

I'm kind of wondering... who's making love to Larry Craig's and Ted Haggard's old ladies, while they're out kneeling in front of Mike Jones?

Hell No, Larry Craig Won't Go

Idaho Senator Larry Craig wasn't allowed to withdraw his guilty plea, but he had his mind set on withdrawing something, so he's not resigning from the Senate as he had promised/announced/broadly hinted at previously.

One reason he gave was that he can do much more good for Idaho than a rookie senator because after many years in Congress, he sits on all of them important committees. I guess it slipped his mind that his Republican brethren already made him step down from all those committees. And they will no doubt continue to put pressure on him to step down, as he has put himself under the public's magnifying glass. When he shamefully continued his pattern of homophobic votes recently by voting against extending hate-crimes legislation to gay, lesbian and transgendered victims, the media took notice. And they will continue to do so - Craig will be a damned homo if he does, a damned homo if he doesn't. And they will dig up every trick he ever turned.

I am sure his fellow Republican Senators would prefer he followed Mark Foley's example, so let's dedicate Amy Winhouse's "Rehab" to Larry Craig, shall we?

Wish You Were Here

Happy 80th birthday, dad. We miss you.

Chaka's Amnesia

While I am happy to report that the rest of Chaka Khan's new album Funk This is much better than that messy duet with Mary J Blige I blogged about a few weeks ago.

But I am a bit confused why both she and her record company claim that it's her first album in a decade:

Chaka Khan releases first album in decade

Khan also duets with Mary J. Blige on the track "Disrespectful," and she hopes "Funk This" fills what she feels has been a void since her last album, the 1998 Reprise release "Come 2 My House."

"I went to about three companies (after Reprise)," she said. "We almost got to the point where we were gonna record and things got funky so I left. I just figured when it happens it'll happen, y'know?"

Khan kept busy in that time, though, touring constantly and snagging a Grammy in 2003 for her cover of "What's Going On" with the Funk Brothers.

First off, it's not been a full decade since 1998, but let's not nit-pick. But it's barely been 3 years since Chaka's wonderful album ClassicKhan with the London Symphonic orchestra. Sanctuary may not be a big label, but it should have been a big album. Chaka's singing was impeccable, and her renditions of songs like "To Sir With Love" and "Diamonds are Forever" were stunning.

Here is some different Classic Khan:

For Laura Dern, the Masquerade Ain't Over

Back in 1995, actress Laura Dern played opposite Eric Stoltz in "Mask," the latter being covered by thick layers of latex and makeup as his character suffered from a skull deformity.

For her next project, Ms Dern will suffer a similar fate: On HBO's upcoming TV movie Recount, she will play your favorite crazy Republican and mine, Katherine Harris! While this will no doubt mean hours upon hours spent with makeup artists, at least the movie takes place before Kitty got her mammary enhancements, so we won't have to worry about her developing a bad back from carrying around falsies on stage all day.

I just hope Laura's hottie rock star husband, Ben Harper, won't be too badly traumatized.

To the very courageous Laura Dern, here is George Benson with "This Masquerade."

Fun with Katherine Harris and selective quoting

From tbo.com:

Religious Right Leaders Congregate

BRANDON - Some of the best-known national leaders in the religious right movement have converged on a Brandon church this weekend for a conference to discuss gay rights issues (...).

It also included one of the first public appearances by Katherine Harris, former Florida secretary of state and U.S. House member (...).

Harris suggested she's happy to be out.

(...)

Dedicated to out and proud Katherine Harris, here is Jill Sobule with Fabio. Wait a minute, Fabio is in this??

Everybody Wants Angela Merkel's Sweet, Sweet Lovin'

Poor Angela Merkel. It can't be easy being a pretty girl the only female at all those international summits mostly attended by men of low morals.

First she had to use a Klingon Karate move to fight off George W. Bush's advances:

And now word reaches us that she is sick and tired of French president's Nicolas Sarkozy's wandering hands:

Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel has made it clear that she does not relish being kissed and pawed every time she meets France's Nicolas Sarkozy.

The French President has cultivated a touchy-feeling relationship with his German counterpart, tutoyer-ing and embracing her like a long-lost friend since even before he became President. Frau Merkel - a studious East German minister's daughter - appears to have put up with the Latin Sarkozy's affections at the outset, but has become increasingly weary of his affections.

According to the daily Le Parisien, Merkel's circle is putting word about that Sarkozy should back off with the bises and back-slapping. The previous President, Jacques Chirac, played the Gallic gentlemen with Frau Merkel, giving her a delicate kiss on the hand when they met. Sarkozy has stopped short of bear hugs and ruffling her hair, but not far short.

To poor Angela, I dedicate the great Shirley Bassey with "Can I Touch You... There?"

Shirley Bassey - Can I Touch You... There?

To Bush and Sarkozy, I dedicate the Tubes with "Don't Touch Me There!"
No means no, guys.

This is Awesomesauce!

I'm sure most of you were unlucky enough to have caught that very scary person on the youtubez of the Internets asking us all to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

As painful as I found that to watch, this is pure genius:

Britney's VMA Comeback Britneypalooza

Because the good people employees of Viacom always make sure nobody can watch clips their train wrecks of shows on youtube, this may be one of the few places where you can watch Britney's big Video Music Performance in its entirety.
Enjoy. Watch.

PS

Comparing Sen. Larry Craig's arrest in a public restroom sex sting to a "traffic offense," the Idaho Republican's lawyer says his client should stay in the Senate and fight ethics charges against him.

Via Rawstory.

I guess being rear-ended IS a traffic thing.

Pull up to the bumper, Wide Stance!

He Sucks me, he Sucks me not...

First he's pleads guilty, then he doesn't.
First he's doing the gay sex, then he's never been gay.
First he resigns from the Senate, now he... might not?

Delusional gay dad and sex starved senator Larry "Wide Stance" Craig is "reconsidering" his resignation according to the AP.

He even might run for re-election. I hope he does, and that the Democrats will have an openly gay or lesbian candidate opposing him, so the voters have a choice between hypocrisy and honesty.

To Larry "Toe Tapper" Craig, I dedicate Tyrone Davis's toe-tapping song about having no spine, "Can I Change my Mind?"

Father Knows Best

George W. Bush, visiting what is left of New Orleans today, made the following statement:

"My attitude is this: New Orleans, better days are ahead. It's sometimes hard for people to see progress when you live in a community all the time."

Yeah. What do people who actually live in New Orleans know about what it's like to live there.

For everybody who lost someone or something to Katrina (and those who've visited New Orleans know that's all of us), I have Randy Newman's Louisiana 1927.


For all the patronizing people in power who think they know better than the people who have to live the life, I have nothing but contempt.

Come out, come out!

I said I wasn't gonna blog about him, but it's killing me if I don't.

I saw Larry Craig on TV this morning. He looked just like on his booking photos after his arrest for teh gey mens room sex.


I don't have a verbatim transcript of his statement handy, but this is how I remember it:

I am not gay! I've never been gay, even when I was fooling around with guys in college, I was completely straight! I am not gay!! I will never be gay, even if that lovely Rupert Everett ever starts returning my calls. I mean, I am not gay! I don't even like show tunes! I am pure country & western. It doesn't get more butch than cowboys, right? Not gay! No gayness! Not g-a-y. You got that, you media hacks? With a "y." Youuuuu guys made me confess to a crime I did not commit, the crime of hot, hard bodies rubbing against each other in an excitingly public place. I did not do that. He didn't even go for it! That proves that I AM NOT GAY!

Because it's so damn obvious, here's the video dedicated to Men's Room Larry - George Michael's Outside.

Mark Foley Gettin' Away with it?

There is so much of this stuff, I won't even bother to blog about the Republican senator from Idaho who was arrested for doing a George Michael in an airport men's room (his handler's call it a “he said/he said misunderstanding” which unfairly makes it sound like he had some kind of relationship with the arresting cop other than wanting to nibble on his privates.) I mean, the "Idaho? He da ho!" jokes are just too obvious.

Because conservative perverts are in season, there's an update on sexually perverted sex pervert and disgraced former Congresspervert Mark Foley in the news. And it's a bit of a downer:

WASHINGTON — Former Congressman Mark Foley is unlikely to face criminal charges for sending sexually explicit e-mails to teenage boys, sources close to the yearlong investigation have told Scripps Howard News Service.
(...)

Sources close to the investigation told Scripps that to date, there has been no criminal finding against Foley. Once the investigation is completed, it will be turned over to prosecutors in Pensacola. Pensacola has jurisdiction in the case because that is where Foley was when one of the explicit messages was sent.

Joe diGenova, the former U.S. Attorney for Washington, DC, said investigators likely could not prove the case had merit.

"My guess is they probably have been unable to find evidence of an actual relationship," diGenova said. "Although the e-mails were suggestive, they didn't violate a statute."

To Mark "everybody knows the thing with the ladies man was a cruel joke" Foley, pictured here in his high school yearbook, I dedicate this clip of Patti Austin singing "Gettin' Away With Murder." Watch Patti wear a pink flamingo on her head early on in the clip, an outfit Mr Foley is sure to have worn on many occasions in the past.

Pentagon Priorities

Q: What is still more important to the US military than the war in Iraq and the War on Terror™?

A: The war on gays.

To all the corroded military brass who decided to fire brave men and women, even Arabic translators because they were gay or lesbian, I dedicate Otis Redding with You Don't Miss Your Water Till Your Well Runs Dry.