Battling Fear with Tommy Tester

Turns out there was a perfectly good explanation for why Southern Baptist pastor Tommy "Testes" Tester offered sexual favors to the cop who came to arrest him for exposing his little savior to some children - he was afraid of him:

"He said they (Johnson City police) scared him--he was scared to death and didn't know what he'd said or what he'd admitted or anything else," Morris said.

According to the Johnson City Press article, Tester allegedly pulled up in a blue 2007 Toyota Camry and offered to give Johnson City police officers oral sex when they arrived at 308 S. Belmont Street to investigate a report of indecent exposure.

Now, I heard about imagining the other person naked when you're nervous in a job interview or a similar situation, but this seem to go a little far, doesn't it? I mean, I'm afraid of the dentist, but I've never offered him oral sex. Maybe it's all part of Southern hospitality?

An Update on Tommy "Testes" Tester

According to bgay.com, divine drag queen drunk driver Tommy "Testes" Tester worked for the Christian Radio station WZAP-AM. The station is obviously named after gay director John Water's trademark "Zap!" sound effect in the legendary "Homer's Phobia" episode of The Simpsons.

Who knew Christian radio in the South was this fabulous?

Their e-mail address is RAMorris@wzapradio.com .
Let's flood them with requests for a fitting soundtrack to this deliciously sordid affair, like the Weather Girls' It's Raining Men, Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive and Carl Bean's I Was Born this Way. Any song from the Priscilla, Queen of the Desert movie will do, too.

Rumors that said movie will be remade once again for American audiences, this time as Tommy Tester, Trollop of Tennessee, have not been substantiated at this time.

He Can Seek Group Therapy with Pastor Meth

Tommy Tester (does that sound like a porn name to anyone else?), a baptist minister, was arrested in Tennessee. Evidently, he drove under the influence of vodka and something called oxycodone (I am guessing that's not acne medication?), was wearing a skirt, took a leak in front of some kids at a car wash (won't somebody please think about the children?) and offered oral sex to a police officer.

This guy would be perfect for John McCain's campaign. I hear John is always hiring.

iLitigation

Talk about buyer's remorse!

A guy called Jose Trujillo is suing Apple because he can't replace the battery in his iPhone himself and it dies a little faster than one should expect in these modern times.

And he's not just trying to get his 533 Dollars and change back. He's asking for 75,000.- because, you know, Apple was mean to him.

I think this case is totally pants.

The Old Songs

Back in 1975, when the Grammys still meant something, Gladys Knight and the Pips presented the nominees for "Song of the Year" as only they could.



And what songs they were! Like them or not, Feel Like Makin' Love, The Way We Were, You and Me Against the World and Midnight at the Oasis are songs that people still remember, that still play on the radio and that have been covered or sampled by artists from D'Angelo to the Brand New Heavies or the Wu-Tang Clan.

Now name 5 songs that have been nominated for best song over the past 5 years.

That's ok, I'll wait.

Not that those are bad songs (well, some are. James Blunt, anyone?). But I don't even remember the songs by U2 and John Mayer who won in 2005 and 2004. And I like both those acts quite a bit.

Maybe it did make a difference when not everybody considered him or herself a singer/songwriter, when the Brill Building and Motorcity, USA where packed with song writers who did nothing but write songs all day.

One thing's for sure: Today's artists are getting a lot of mileage out of the songs of yesteryear. Michael McDonald recorded two CDs with material pulled from the Motown catalog, Rod Stewart turned crooner for a mind boggling four albums full of compositions that are over half a century old and the above mentioned Gladys Knight released her first Jazz album of standards after about as many years in the business, covering the songs of Ella, Billie and Dinah.

And now the young generation of singers seems to jump on the big bandwagon: The criminally underrated Amel Larrieux (formerly of Groove Theory) released Lovely Standards which does indeed live up to its title, thankfully choosing somewhat more obscure songs from the great jazz era like Wild Is the Wind and If I Were a Bell. And now Canadian R&B and Club diva Deborah Cox delivers a tribute to the incomparable Dinah Washington with Destination Moon, a truly luscious set that the gifted singer recorded live in the studio with a 40 piece orchestra - the way this kind of music is supposed to be made, dag nabbit!

Let's hope that exposure to those great songs will inspire a new generation of song writers to dig a little deeper, try a little harder and find that spark that made those old songs shine so bright. I know there are some talented kids out there (I'm looking at you, Ne-Yo!), but we need a real competition going again so that maybe in a couple of years, Deborah, or Amel or maybe even Gladys will sing, not read, the nominees for Song of the Year and the crowd will go crazy again.

Hey, I can dream, can't I?

No Disrespect Intended

No disrespect intended, but Chaka Khan's new duet with Mary J. Blige, Disrespectful (hear it for free here) is a bit of a mess.
After 2004's stylish effort Classikhan, which chaka-fied legendary songs like To Sir With Love, Gold Finger or Crazy with the able help of the London Symphony Orchestra, this is going in the opposite direction. Maybe they want to appeal to young crunk fans, but I am not feeling for this.

It's a hard, funky tune, but it's also messy and neither here nor there. Chaka, who just a few months ago proved on the tribute CD "We All Love Ella" that she is indeed capable of singing better than ever, is firmly in screaming mode, as is Mary. Speaking of Screams, if this is indeed the handiwork of überproducers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, why did they have to channel one of their worst efforts, the similarly disjointed and all-over-the-place Scream by Janet and Michael Jackson?

I am still optimistic that I will find things I like on the upcoming album, but I definitely won't purchase it without giving it a good listen first.

I hear that Chaka, one of the very few great soul divas who did not have a strong gospel background, recently found Jesus. Thankfully, that did not stop her from giving the new album the potty-mouth-pun title Funk This. Let's just hope the reviews will deserve to be better than something that almost rhymes with that tilte.

The Sobbing of Doris Troy

While browsing IMDB, I stumbled across an upcoming movie version of the musical Mama, I Want to Sing!
This, for those who don't know, is the autobiographical musical of the late, great soul singer Doris Troy, who played her own mother in the original stage version of the musical. In London, that part was played by both Chaka Khan and Micah Paris.

The movie has an interesting cast, including musicians Ciara, Ne-Yo, Bobby Valentino, Ralph Tresvant and the one and only Patti Labelle! Also starring is CSI: NY hottie, Hill Harper.

Doris Troy grew up in the Bronx as the daughter of a pentecostal preacher from Barbados. She may not have been the best versed singer technically, but few reached the sheer amount of emotions she could pack into a song. Just listen to her desperate sobbing on "How my Heart Breaks" - a record that, rumor has it, may have featured a young Dwight Reginald a.k.a. Elton John on Piano!

Doris was a talented song writer, and her big hit "Just One Look" was used in so many movies and commercials, as well as getting covered by acts like the Hollies, that it allowed her not to have to starve like so many of her peers.

Doris Troy died of emphysema on February 16, 2004. I hope this movie will be a worthy monument to her and her achievements.

The Secret

If somebody could write down the main differences between the new self-improvement fad "The Secret" and Scientology down on a postcard - no wait, still wouldn't be interested.

Go peddle dumb, greedy and crazy somewhere else, Oprah. I'm not buying.

A good salon.com article on the subject can be found here.

Dale Eaglesham

Dale Eaglesham is a heck of a nice guy, an incredible artist and a dyed-in-the-wool professional. After being a well-kept secret in the industry for almost 20 years (his first Marvel work on Conan was in 1986), people finally took notice in a big way with Green Lantern a few years ago, then Sigil (which was cut short due to CrossGen painful implosion), H-E-R-O, the mega-hit Villains United and now one of my favorite super hero franchises, Justice Society of America.

And Dale's art has rarely looked better than in Issue 4. While Art Thibert was the bigger name as far as inkers go, Ruy Jose's style just meshes much better with Dale's. So if you think you know Dale's art from his Green Lantern days, have another look.

New Music: Adriana Evans - El Camino

I had a chance to hear a track from Adriana's upcoming album "El Camino" today and it's amazing.
The song "Hey Now" goes for a 1970s Marvin Gaye feeling and reminded me most of the song "Come Live With Me Angel" from his "I Want you" album.

Adriana's vocals are joyful and clear as ever, the production is flawless and organic. Can't wait to get my hands on this album, which will be released this month on Expansion records in the US and will only be available as an overpriced import in the US for the time being.

Pastor Meth Proclaims Himself Cured!

Reverend Ted Haggard, the pride of Coloarado closets, says he is now "completely heterosexual." I'm sure the members of his church will now pray for him to also stop being a meth-smoker and a grade-A creep.
Chances are, they'll come up 0 for 3.

Rev. Ted Haggard "cured."

Hypocrite Homophobe Priest Fired

The Rev. Samuel C. Pascoe proved a lot more tolerant of adultery than of homosexuals.
Buh-bye.

If this was a made-for-HBO movie, all of his three sons would come out as gay now.

Anglicans fire conservative Clay priest

Disney Trying to Subvert "Gay Day"?

My friend MikeLand made an interesting observation here.

I received an email from WDW yesterday announcing their "Disney Night of a Lifetime Giveaway" exclusively for travel agents. Basically, for every booking a travel agent makes in the month of March, they can enter into a sweepstakes for a WDW vacation, including a night at the castle. Another prize is also a night at the Mickey Mouse suite at the Disneyland Hotel on June 23rd.

What I found interesting when reading the rules was that the night at the castle MUST be take on June 2, 2007. It so happens that June 2nd is Gay Day at the Magic Kingdom!

Coincidence? I don't think so. Are they trying to shield a "regular" family from having to be at the park on Gay Day? Or worse, are they trying to keep a Gay family from staying at the Castle Suite that night in case one of us happens to be a winner that night?

Somembody nearly got sued!


In related news: Motown got the studio to issue a disclaimer, saying that Dreamgirls is a work of fiction (snicker). See, I still can't do it.

Motown obtains Dreamgirls disclaimer (Reuters via Yahoo)

Dreaming in the Shadows of Motown

I finally got to see “Dreamgirls” last night. And seeing how a review of that movie sort of sparked Brian’s blog, I figure I’d put down my own thoughts on the film in this comatose place.

There is something I should explain before I discuss “Dreamgirls”: If my Internet nickname hasn’t tipped you off, I am a bit of a Motown and soul music fanatic. I own countless vinyl albums and CDs of the Motown stars you’ve all heard of (the Stevies and Marvins and Gladyseses) as well as those only few people remember (The Sisters Love, Bohannon, the Dynamic Superiors etc.). I have read Nelson George’s “Where Did our Love Go – The Rise and Fall of Motown Records,” Gerri Hirshey’s “Nowhere to Run: The Story of Soul Music,” David Nathan’s “Soulful Divas” and the biographies of Marvin Gaye, Otis Williams and Gladys Knight, among others.

So there is very little exaggeration when I say that watching “Dreamgirls” for me was a bit like the Pope watching “The Ten Commandments” with Charlton Heston. It looks and sounds real pretty, and the story I know and love is hiding somewhere in there, but lawd did they sugar-coat it and dumb it down for the masses.

OK, so Dreamgirls is an imaginary story (snicker). See, I could not type that with a straight face. At every turn, the movie tries to remind us that it’s really the story of Motown and Diana Ross and the Supremes. Motown’s motto “The Sound of Young America” becomes “The Sound of the Future” with Rainbow Records. Both the real and the imaginary™ label publish Dr. Martin Luther King’s speeches on record. The Dreams’ album covers are direct copies of Supremes records (even one from after Diana’s departure!). And of course, plot points big and small were lifted directly from Motown history.

All of that made it very difficult for me to just sit back and enjoy the movie without occasionally cringing when they took what felt too many liberties with said history. I’ve already seen one movie critic claim that the Supremes sang behind Marvin Gaye early on when it was really Martha Reeves and the Vandellas who did that. It was also Martha who (though a trained singer) got into Motown as a secretary just to get her foot in the door, something that “Michelle Morris” – think ersatz-Supreme Cindy Birdsong - does in “Dreamgirls.” I guess the press kit didn’t go into too much detail as to what’s fact and what’s fiction.

I understand the concept of composite characters, but did it really help tell the movie’s story to make Eddie Murphy’s character a mix of Little Richard, James Brown, Marvin Gaye and David Ruffin? While it gave the actor a chance to show that his singing has improved quite a bit since “Party All the Time,” for me it downplayed the enormity and breadth of the history of rhythm & blues by cramping too much into one person and too few years.

Not that the soundtrack showed a lot of understanding of that subject anyway: While the songs sounded great (I was pleased at how much less they sounded like show tunes than on my old Dreamgirls Broadway album) they did a poor job of echoing the various eras they supposedly represented. Murphy’s Jimmy Early is a 50s-character doing 70s music in the early 60s that sounds like a James Brown record produced by Isaac Hayes and recorded with Chicago musicians. It made my head spin! None of the Dreams’ songs capture the Motown magic. The only song in the movie that comes close to being a good fit is the one performed by the “Campbell Connection” kids – and that’s mostly because it’s the most blatantly plagiarized tune that sounds almost exactly like the Jackson 5’s “ABC.” It’s a shame they didn’t even go all the way 70s with the supposed disco version of “One Night Only.” Would it have killed them to throw in a few of those “p’tooo! p’tooo!” sounds we all love from the polyester years? The art directors do a much better job of capturing the look of the era.

I have to say the news songs written for the movie are all very nice. “Listen” is great, but my favourite is probable “Love you I do” co-written by Sieda Garret, who I’m sure knows more than a little bit about Motown musicians as well, having duetted with former Temptation Dennis Edwards on his one solo hit, “Don’t Look Any Further.”

People who read my posts on message boards around the time Jennifer Hudson was on American Idol may remember me as one of her biggest fans from her very early auditions. She really shines in “Dreamgirls” and if this is the vehicle that was needed to finally make her a star, then the movie was worth every penny it cost to be made. Looking forward to her first album.

I guess everything has been said about how great the cast is in this movie, so I’ll keep this short. Hudson and Murphy were the stand-outs, but it was also nice to see Danny Glover (as usual) and to have Dawnn Lewis in a major motion picture, even if it was as Murphy’s rarely seen wife and not a singing role. “A Different World” was one of the few things making the 1980s bearable for me.

I just wish they’d made Deena Jones more like Ms Ross. You know: evil. Deena still comes off as a basically good girl who is misled. They make Jamie Foxx’ character the only real bad guy by blaming everything on him and his manipulations. I mean, what a missed chance to bring a character as fascinatingly villainous as Diana Ross to the big screen! In “Soulful Divas” Dionne Warwick remembers waking up in a hospital room after surgery once and inexplicably finding Ms Ross next to her bed. Dionne’s first thought: “She’s come to kill me!” How great is that? And could we see people reacting like that to Beyoncé’s Deena, who ends up kissing and making up with Effie?

In the end, it felt to me like Dreamgirls was written by a fan about the Supremes he wanted, not the ones we really had. As a result, we get a happy end for Florence Ballard and Diana Ross isn’t even evil. (ALLEGEDLY! Don’t wanna get sued here.) In real life, Flo died in obscurity and Ms Ross couldn’t even have her let the spotlight at her own funeral, causing a major scene with a most likely faked fainting spell. Sure, the truth isn’t very glamorous. But one of my favourite Maya Angelou sayings is “Life is larger than life!” and I feel that a little more real life still would have sold movie tickets.

In Essence, “Dreamgirls” is a great Hollywood movie with a nice soundtrack and a stellar cast. But it has as much to do with Motown as Diana Ross’ “Ladys Sings the Blues” had to do with Billie Holliday. If you want good movies about the Motown experience, get the documentary “Standing in the Shadows of Motown” or even the made-for-tv Temptations movie on DVD. Watching “The Five Heartbeats” again won’t hurt either, though it shares many of the flaws I listed above. If you want a GREAT movie about the music scene in the 60s from a New York, Brill Building perspective, get Allison Anders’ "Grace of my Heart".