the4thpip's blog of blogged blog things

Tennessee state Sen. Stacey Campfield (R) Spreads Dumbest HIV Lies Ever

2012-01-27T00:42:00.000-08:00

Tennessee state Sen. Stacey "Camp Stacy" Campfield was conceived when his momma got screwed by a monkey, if I recall correctly. Allegedly.

Raw Story tells us:

Tennessee state Sen. Stacey Campfield (R) falsely claimed on Thursday that it was nearly impossible for someone to contract AIDS through heterosexual contact.

“Most people realize that AIDS came from the homosexual community,” he told Michelangelo Signorile, who hosts a radio program on SiriusXM OutQ. “It was one guy screwing a monkey, if I recall correctly, and then having sex with men. It was an airline pilot, if I recall.”

“My understanding is that it is virtually — not completely, but virtually — impossible to contract AIDS through heterosexual sex.”

Countdown to him being caught with a male escort in 10, 9, 8....

An Empress on the Dance Floor – Gladys Knight Returns

2011-09-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

This week saw the release of a new single by the Empress of Soul herself, Miss Gladys Knight.

Longtime fans like me might have mistaken it as a mere remix at first glance, as the song – the Leiber/Stoller classic “I (Who Have Nothing)” - had previously been recorded by Gladys on her second solo album in 1979, while she and the Pips could not record together for contractual reasons. She returned to the song in 1999 with a show stopping performance as part of her guest stint on the Leiber/Stoller tribute Broadway show, Smokey Joe's Café.

However, this is all new stuff with a brand new vocal and most likely the first release from her new album promised for this year.

Unlike the 1979 version, which lived off the vocal and suffered from the unfortunate choice of Michael Zager as producer, this is a very contemporary sound and the Beyoncés and Rihannas of this world would not turn down the arrangement and instrumentation. As the single is only available as a digital download for now, and as one of my pet peeves once again comes into play, we have very little information about who was involved in the making of this record other than our Gladys. But from the faulty composer credit, we can deduct that the producer of this song is one Leon Sylvers IV, no doubt the son of famed SOLAR records producer Leon Sylvers III, who not only was heavily involved with Gladys & the Pips' 1983 and '84 releases “Visions” and “Life”, but who also provides the most fun remix on this 4-track EP.

So, what do we get for our 3 bucks and change?

The “original mix” is quite radio friendly and, as stated above, entirely contemporary. This does not go without saying, as Gladys in the past has sometimes been paired with producers who were not exactly “happenin'.” I'm looking at you, Attala Zane Giles!

Gladys' vocal is impeccable. She shows off much of her range, and thankfully nobody got the silly idea to somehow filter or distort her vocals in any way. She is sometimes sultry, sometimes playful and always all diva.

There are strings, but there is no schmaltz, as they are delivered with an urgent, sometimes almost frantic staccato and paired with an electronic arrangement of beeps and breaks. It's a juxtaposition that works surprisingly well and never drowns out Gladys' powerful and versatile vocal. There is a somewhat generic male backing vocalist who gets to rap/sing some newly added lyrics, too.

Track two is the supposed “DJ Lil Cee Radio Edit.” While it's the shortest track at just over 3 minutes, the mix is hardly as radio friendly: It's a sound more at home in the gay clubs of South Beach and West Hollywood than the airwaves. One would assume there is a longer version of this sent out as promo 12” singles to DJs. The problem I have with this is that this kind of Thunderpuss or Hex Hector style mix may never have left the club scene, but there is also nothing new or exciting about it, and it's a bit too soon to consider it “retro.”

Next up is the “Monikkr Remix.” New York DJ Anthony Fonseca very narrowly missed the opportunity to make this the stand-out version of the song. If he'd played up the dramatic pauses to the max and extended the track to at least 7 minutes, this could have been an epic electro-soul opera comparable to Now Voyager's Mix of Candy Staton's “You Got the Love.” As it is, he gets credit for giving an extra edge to the song, even if the added synth storm sometimes does its best to drown out Gladys' voice. Sacrilege! Still this is “get her into anger management” Gladys, getting mad instead of getting weepy, the way she did all the way back with “I heard it through the Grapevine.” And that is always a good thing.

Wrapping up the set is the Leon Sylvers III Remix, and for my taste, father does know best. It's a shame that this fun, breezy version is a few months too late to be a summer hit. Sylvers adds punchy piano riffs, amps up the drama of the strings and actually manages to grant the previously generic backing vocals a Pips-like feel by giving them more of a chance to have a back-and-forth with Gladys. This is the version I have played the most so far.

Record companies have long had the belief that the best way to reintroduce a singer to the public after a few years away is to go with danceable tracks. And Cher's “Believe” proved that a contemporary, electronic arrangement can provide singers over 50 with a brand new fan base.

Hopefully, we'll see Gladys Knight on the dance floor charts with this release. And hopefully, she is now sufficiently in control of her career to avoid the type casting she suffered at CBS when the suits there saw her as only successful in the funk/electro/r&b field and decided against releasing her original recording of “Wind Beneath my Wings” as a single and letting other artists collect the sales and awards for their cover versions of the song a year later.

If we get a new album with a range of material appealing to both dance floors and radio stations, we might even see Gladys appear on late night talk shows. And then we might get to see Gladys back on the Billboard charts where she belongs.

Saving the Album Format: More Than the Sum of its Parts

2011-08-20T01:28:00.001-07:00

Note: This is part of a series of blog posts. Read the first one here.

At the age of 40, I own well over 2000 albums on vinyl and CD.

I downloaded 4.

What you get most of the time when you download an album is, frankly, pathetic. You get the songs of the album and – if you're lucky – a small image file that displays on your MP3-Player or iPod. You might be able to figure out the composers of the song by going into the „information“ menu on iTunes. It's possible that the „song lyrics“ feature is used to some extend, it is not on any of the 4 albums I downloaded from iTunes.

The production value of the average downloaded album is the equivalent of those discount “Music for Pleasure” vinyl albums that repackaged previously issued music with cheap cover artwork and plain white inner sleeves.

And a lot of current CDs aren't much better. I still have excellent eyesight according to a recent exam, but when I try to read the information in many CD booklets lately, I have to walk up to a window and squint really hard to read the tiny font, that is sometimes printed with ink on paper choices that cause very unfortunate color contrasts.

I know not ever music fan cares about who played the congas, sang backing vocals and arranged the string section as much as I do. But a lot of music fans always have, and it's been getting harder and harder to get that information.

So why doesn't every downloaded album and CD come with a code that allows you access to a section on the artist's or record company's web site with exclusive content for buyers of the album? Song lyrics, production notes, video clips of interviews, behind-the-scenes looks at recording sessions, live performances, etc? Or even games, contests (win a date with Meatloaf! - OK, maybe not).

We'll never get back to the age of beautiful large album covers that allow for gimmicks like Velvet Underground's banana peel or the zipper on the cover of the Rolling Stones: “Sticky Fingers” - but with the Internet, we have so many new options that cardboard never gave us.

To survive, the album needs to be more than the sum of its songs. The Internet could provide for countless possibilities to make it so.

Meanwhile, to show that not everything was great during the vinyl album age, either, here is the very funny Ellen Degeneres looking at some not-so-great album covers.

I own that Millie Jackson album, too!

Marcus Bachmann: Protesting Way Too Much

2011-08-14T03:37:00.000-07:00

We interrupt our regular scheduled series about saving the album format in music for this announcement:

Completely straight curer of the gay and wannabe first husband, Marcus Bachmann, once again went to extreme lengths to prove his heterosexuality:

He gay-bashed CNN's Don Lemon.

Stay classy, Marcus.

Can the Album Format be Saved?

2011-08-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, the movie title Jason's Lyric was trending on Twitter. It made me realize two things:
A. I had never watched the movie and should look for the DVD.
B. The picture's soundtrack CD had hardly ever left my CD player in 1994 and we don't really get albums like that anymore.

That soundtrack was epic. Composed of all new recordings, it featured an incredible range of talented African-American musicians from several generations. From blues veteran Buddy Guy to gospel songstress Oleta Adams, from the cream of 90s r&b and New Jack Swing like Tony! Toni! Toné! and K-Ci Hayley to talented Hip Hop artists like LL Cool J and Warren G. And the cherry on the top was an all-star, all male choir labeled "Black Men United" that combined more vocal firepower than a military platoon of opera singers. Listen to it and "u will know" what I mean.

Jason's Lyric was not the only movie with a soundtrack like that in the 90s. Films like White Men Can't Jump, Boyz n the Hood, Love Jones and Set it Off all combined Hip Hop, soul and gospel in ways that made the soundtrack albums must-haves for several generations of fans: The kids would buy them to get their hands on that new Ice-T track and ended up being impressed by immensely talented music legends over 40, while older fans could not miss out on the new Aretha Franklin ballad you could not get anyplace else - and in turn realized that Queen Latifah was a force to be reckoned with.

Alas, the days of those soundtrack albums, all albums, actually, seem to have come to an end. Downloads, both illegal and legal, are the way most people listen to music these days, and that means a focus on individual tracks, not albums.

The music industry is trying to adapt to survive. A hit song is more likely to make a profit if it makes a good ring-tone. Concert tickets now cost a small fortune, as artists went from touring to promote their new recordings to recording new music to promote their tours.

The album, it seems, is considered expendable.

Concept albums, a format that once rode high on the charts thanks to artists like Marvin Gaye and Pink Floyd, are now a niche phenomenon for the Björks and Kate Bushs of this world. I will never forget the intensity of experiencing "What's Going On" on my old Walkman for the first time, in the dark, on a night train to Vienna. It was a life-transforming experience you just don't get from a ring-tone you downloaded for your new smartphone.

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards got to know each other because one of them noticed the stack of vinyl albums the other one was carrying, and the result was one of the greatest rock 'n' roll bands of all time. Is leaning over somebody to see what is playing on their iPod too stalkerish?

Also, no more cross-pollination between different generations of fans via soundtracks and compilations as I described above. Nor first exposure for new artists that way.

This is what we are losing. This is what the future will be missing. It's hurting the culture of music, and it is hurting the bottom line of the music industry in the long run.

Well, I will not let the album go down without a fight. I'm rolling up my sleeves. I'm taking off my rings (get me some vaseline!)

Over the next few blog posts, I will make suggestions on how to make people excited about albums again. And nobody will care. But at least I can say I tried.

Patti Austin & James Ingram: Reunited

2011-05-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

Patti Austin is only today releasing her wonderful new soul album "Sound Advice" in the US and UK, about one week after its release in continental Europe, yet at tonight's awe inspiring jazz concert at the Ruhr Klavierfestival in Essen she had some big news about her next album:

In about three weeks time, she will hit the studio with none other than her old buddy James Ingram to record an entire album of duets. They will cover some classic duet songs as well as create a few brand new ones.

This seems a smart move from a business stand point, as both artists had their biggest hits when teaming up with each other, on the classic ballads "Baby Come To Me" and "How Do You Keep The Music Playing." A reunion should definitely garner more media attention than either artist's recent solo releases.

So... let the speculation begin which duets they'll cover. I know I would like to hear:

If This World Were Mine and You're All I Need to Get By by Marvin and Tammy
Where is the Love and Back Together Again by Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway
Tonight, I Celebrate My Love by Roberta and Peabo Bryson
Endless Love by Diana Ross and Lionel Ritchie
How Many Times Can We Say Good-Bye by Dionne Warwick and Luther Vandross
Private Number by William Bell and Judy Clay
Don't Give Up by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush

If you have your own suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section!

Meanwhile, here is a pre-weight loss Patti Austin and a pre-hair loss James Ingram with the song that started it all - a track that made music history by being the slowest climber to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 ever!

Steven Tyler's Wonderfully Obscure Nat King Cole Reference

2011-04-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

In case you've been wondering what rocker-come-singing-competition-host Steven Tyler seemed to be babbling about after Casey's performance of Nature Boy - no, he was not having acid flashbacks. The lines

Ke-mo, ki-mo spare-o-spare
Ma-hi, ma-ho, ma-rump-sticka-pumpernickle
Soup-bang, nip-cat, polly-mitcha-cameo
I love you.

Are actually from a children's song that Natalie's father recorded in the early 50s:

I'm beginning to see why Liv is such a well adjusted young lady.

I Got Nothin', Babe

2011-01-08T10:27:00.000-08:00

So evidently Sonny Bono's widow, now the honorable (?) congresswoman from California, Mary Bono Mack, is raising funds by letting donors lick her breasts. Bonus points for the licker in question being female.
In unrelated news, Ms Mack voted against the repeal of Dont't Ask, Don't Tell in May of 2010.

In honor (?) of representative Bono Mack, here is small time criminal, Mark Morrison, with Return of the Mack. Oh my gawd!

Leaked: DC Comics Plans for 2011

2010-12-12T02:43:00.000-08:00

More revealing than Wikileaks! More truthiness than on the Colbert show! More unexpected revelations than an episode of Lost!

Today, the4thpip's blog of blogged blog things brings you the things that Dan DiDio does not want you to know yet because he is worried you will adjust your pull lists accordingly. It's DC Comics' secret plans for 2011!

The Trinity
After the disappointment of Superman: Grounded, DC realized they just went about the idea too half-heartedly. So the new year will bring a 12-issue-storyline inspired by Marcel Proust called Superman: Bed Ridden. A Kryptonian strain of swine flu makes it to Earth on a meteor that contained some of Krypto's dog poo from when he was first shot into space in that cruel case of animal testing. Watch in awe as Superman follows the daily soap operas on TV, takes on Sudoku without fear and skillfully tosses his tissues into a waste basket on the other side of town!

As for the Caped Crusader, the recent success of the expanded Batman line will lead to even more new titles: Batgirl & Robin, Spoiler: Year One, Batman Force, Batman: Caped Crusader, Bruce Wayne, the Spectacular Batman, Batman's Pal, James Gordon, Batman: Weapon B and Batman: Life on the B-List.

Wonder Woman will become Wonder Woman & Swamp Thing by Phil Hester.
She is an Amazon princess made of clay, he is a dead scientist reborn in mud - they fight crime!

Team Books
You'd have to pry Justice League of America from James Robinson's cold, dead fingers - but this time, everything will be different. After spending a maxi series exploring the "Justice!" aspect of the team, he will now turn his attention to the "League" aspect as a new, deadly Sports Master forces our heroes into games of Baseball, Football and Beach Volleyball. Watch for that very special hockey issue to come out for Christmas - that really is Rudolph's skin the villain is wearing as a coat!

Guggenheim's plans to turn the Justice Society into a "real society" with tons of new members will mean the book will have to be split in two (again), so in 2011 we will have three titles: JSA All-Stars, Justice Society, and JSA: D-List.

New Imprint
A surprise new venture for DC will be a cooperation with Broadway for an inspired new line of musical theater related books.
In the works are:

Wicked ft. Zatanna and Miss Martian

Guys and Dolls featuring Guy Gardner and Doll Man

La Cage aux Folles ft. Apollo and the Midnighter

Dream Girls ft, well, Dream Girl of the Legion of superheroes. And Beyoncé!

Hair featuring Dan DiDio himself!

Kiss of the Spider-Woman, featuring an ugly lawsuit by Marvel comics.

Big Summer Crossover
After Infinite Crisis, Sinestro War, Blackest Night, Brightest Day, Flashpoint and the Return of Bruce Wayne, DC will be upping the ante with a mega crossover called DC: Pancakes. Details are still sketchy, but I hear there will be an incentive scheme that will make those colorful plastic rings look downright unappetizing!

You Can't Make this Up

2010-09-25T11:46:00.000-07:00

Bishop Eddie "Long Dong" Long, public homophobic church superstar, private homosexual predator on the down low, got some words of support by none other than our old friend, Pastor Meth himself, Ted Haggard.

Here is a message to everybody involved with organized religion: Get out. Stop looking up to the shiniest, loudest, most charismatic leaders. They're all wolves in sheeps' clothing at worst, and pathetic little cowards at best. Go and find your own relationship with god if you must, or just do what seems so clear: Go out and help people, do right, treat the world, those around you, and yourself with respect and love. You don't need no doggone mega-church, televangelist, or make-belief country in Italy for that.

No guru, no method, no teacher
Just you and I and nature
And the Father in the garden

Mary Cheney is a Dick

2010-08-18T11:36:00.001-07:00

Guess what Mary Cheney did?

Mary Cheney, Daughter of Dick, ~~best selling~~ author, famous lesbian, made a $ 500 campaign donation to an anti-gay-marriage candidate running for the senate.

Unless she gave him the money with the advice to use it to buy a clue, the only explanation is that Mary Cheney is quite a Richard.

For all the shameful and pathetic Marys and Marias out in the world, here is my First Choice of musical shaming:

Happy 60th Birthday, Patti Austin!

2010-08-10T13:17:00.001-07:00

One of the most accomplished singers in the fields of soul, pop and jazz turns... that can't be right? She doesn't look a day over 50!

A very Happy Birthday to Grammy winning singer and lovable lunatic, Patti Austin!

Keep that music playing, diva!

Here's a Fun Game

2010-07-01T02:30:00.000-07:00

Do an Ecosia or search-engine-of-your-choice search for either "Jesus" or "Bible" in combination with various versions of the Chinese Proverb Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach him to fish and he will eat for life.

Quite a few right wingers other than Rush Limbaugh falsely attribute the saying to make their Jesus look a little less pinko commie socialist than he does in the bible.

All out of answers, all out of excuses?

2010-06-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

Seen at a Catholic church in Rochefort-en-Terre, Brittany:

60K of Florida Taxpayers' Money went to Very Gay Anti-Gay Activist for Acting Like an Anti-Gay Douche

2010-05-08T02:23:00.000-07:00

Florida Attorney General Bill "Gollum" McCollum wasted something between $60,900 and $87,000 to the previously mentioned closet case hateful bigot, George Reker. I guess which figure you come up with depends on whether you include the tax-exempt rent boy allowance.

McCollum invested that money in his precioussssssss pure bigotry, getting the very gay Reker to give his "expert's" opnion on why gay people make horrible, horrible adoptive parents on par with Catholic priests. Never mind that anyone but the mouth-breathing Bill McCollum would have realized that in light of all the peer-reviewed studies on the subject and the APA's statements on the issue, any sane judge would do what the judge did here and throw out Reker's self-hating hack job testimony.

McCollum should pay taxpayers back out of his own pocket, and George Reker needs to face up to his self hatred and Shame, Shame, Shame and admit that is him in the white suit in that clip.

Update: The Miami Herald even puts the number at $ 120,000!

Very Gay Anti-Gay Activist Brags About Size of his Tool

2010-05-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

To absolutely nobody's surprise, Florida's extreme-rightwing, Taliban-level Christian homophobe George Alan Rekers went on a vacation with a gay rent boy.

I find a bit off color the way he brags about his penis, though:

"I had surgery," Rekers said, "and I can't lift luggage. That's why I hired him."

I guess it's not really bragging when he admits in the same sentence that he had penis-enlargement surgery though, is it?

To George Alan Rekers and all the closeted gay Christians who can't do the heavy lifting themselves, I dedicate "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother" as sung by the legendary Persuasions.

Milestone reached in protecting Children in Washington, DC

2010-02-20T01:22:00.000-08:00

Foster children in Washington, DC just got a lot safer from child abuse. And we have gay marriage to thank for that:

The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington has ended its 80-year-old foster-care program in the District rather than license same-sex couples, the first fallout from a bitter debate over the city's move to legalize same-sex marriage.

Catholic Charities, which runs more than 20 social service programs for the District, transferred its entire foster-care program -- 43 children, 35 families and seven staff members -- to another provider, the National Center for Children and Families. Tommy Wells (D-Ward 6), the D.C. Council member who chairs the Committee on Human Services, said he didn't know of any problems with the transfer, which happened Feb. 1.
Source

A move in the right direction for the safety of children.

Movie Review: A Single Man

2010-02-07T06:02:00.000-08:00

So the two movies I saw so far this year were "A Serious Man" about a middle aged college professor whose life is crap and "A Single Man" about, well, a middle aged college professor whose life is crap.

I read Isherwood's novel for the first time last year. I'll mention that I picked up the book at a used book store specializing in English language books in Avignon in the South of France just because that sounds so damn cool.

I was worried that Hollywood would add a happy ending, or explosions and more chicks to make it more of a straight guy flick, but none of that happened.

It's an incredibly sad story, most of the action is internal to the lead character brought to tragic life by Colin Firth who really outdoes himself. I hope he gets that Oscar. Julianne Moore is also amazing, but unlike Firth you sometimes get the impression that she was trying to get nominated every single moment she was on camera. Unlike Firth, she didn't get a nod though.

The movie is directed by fashion designer Tom Ford, and the fact that the movie often looks like a perfume ad sometimes took me out of the story. It's a story about very real emotions, but it hardly ever loses that fairy tale visual quality. In some moments though, it works, and then it works brilliantly. When a dying man is shot with that sense of beauty, it evoked images of Michelangelo's Pieta in me.

I wish I hadn't had to sleep alone after watching "A Single Man." It's certainly a picture that stays with you.

Comic Book Artist ChrisCross is a Heartless Ingrate

2010-01-17T02:56:00.000-08:00

ChrisCross (born as Christopher Williams, not to be confused with the musician he wisely picked an alias that is also used by a musician) owes his career to gay characters and gay and gay-friendly creators.

His breakthrough work came on Blood Syndicate, a series created by liberal Dwayne McDuffie and brought to critical acclaim by gay writer Ivan Velez, Jr, who also drew and wrote the great "Tales of the Closet."

ChrisCross went on to draw Captain Marvel for gay-friendly Peter A. David's scripts, a series featuring a lesbian relationship. After he did not get what he wanted from DC on the then new Firestorm series, he went on to draw one of comicdom's most famous gay heroes, the Midnighter, who happens to be married to his teammate Apollo.

All of that did not stop ChrisChross from voting for Proposition 8 and hiding behind his bible to defend that shameful human rights violation, as told by one of his facebook contacts here.

When said contact told him he could no longer be his fan in light of his hateful actions, this was ChrisCross' reply:

Glad to hear that. I"m proud of my vote. Only i'm not hating. Read First Timothy in the Bible, my brother. Then ask me why i voted that way. I'm a Christian, and i stand what God stands for, not society. And i'm not impressed or DEpressed by your disappointment. But i'm glad you were a fan.
:D

Always remember to add a smiley face to your bigotry, kids!

As a black man, ChrisCross should realize that the same kind of politically motivated interpretation of obscure bible passages has been used by other hate groups to oppose interracial marriage.

As a creator who might be drawing portraits on a sidewalk for a nickel if it wasn't for the gay community, he should just keep his pie hole shut about his own bigotry at the very least.

Pathetic terrorism failure wants to be even less of a hero to his sad cause

2010-01-08T12:27:00.000-08:00

Christmas terror suspect pleads not guilty.
Turns out crispy fried penis was actually his idea of a delicious in-flight snack. And really, considering the quality of airline food, who can blame him.

Special points to the AP writers for pointing out that a Nigerian speaks English. In other news, water is wet.

Celebrity Gift Suggestions: Sarah Palin

2009-12-15T10:34:00.000-08:00

At a personal request, this very special edition of Celebrity Gift Suggestions is dedicated to Sarah Palin, former beauty vice-queen, former mayor of New Novosibirsk, former Governor and former poster child for abstinence only sex education. It must be quite difficult having to find a gift for Ms Palin - you can't get her a magazine or newspaper subscription, she already reads all of them. You can't get her anything for the house, she gets everything done thanks to nepotism. So what can you get for the mother of Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig Palin, grandmother of Tripp Palin-Johnston?

Why, this hot off the presses book, of course!

Celebrity Gift Suggestions: Buju Banton

2009-12-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

Currently Grammy Award nominated homophobe and recording hate monger, Buju Banton, is in a prison cell in Miami charged with "conspiracy to possess with intent to distribute more than five kilos of cocaine."

So, if you are Buju's cell mate and realizing: This guy is gonna be here for a while, I better make nice with him - here is the perfect gift to get Mr Banton for the upcoming holiday.

Reggae for Dummies - because Buju? You're using the wrong drugs, dumbass. You're supposed to smoke "Ganja" to be taken seriously in reggae circles. And it's more than a little ironic that a guy who buys into the brain dead idea that homosexuality was somehow injected into your society by white men would be found neck-deep in what is essentially considered a white drug in every meaning of the word.

The Timely Return of Celebrtity Gift Suggestions

2009-12-12T02:25:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again!

The time when plastic lawn ornaments, made by underage Chinese political prisoners in overlong night shifts, stand in the rain on this our warmer globe.

The time when you can hear the greatest hits of Whitney Houston - played on the pan flute, while drinking cheap hot wine that's only drinkable with enough cinnamon added to cover up the methanol taste.

That's right, lads and gentlebeings: It's time for that annually returning blog sensation, Celebrity Gift Suggestions.

This year, I'm kicking things off with the United States' favorite conspiracy theorist and fear monger, Glenn Beck. Don't spell his name Glen, as you never know when you might need an extra N to evoke Godwin's Law!

For Glenn Beck this year, a hypothetical loved one should run, not walk, to the local toy store to get him a box of Clue.

Because really, if Glenn isn't gonna get a Clue, we must buy one for him.

And no, Glenn: "President Obama with a forged birth certificate in the White House Library" is not a valid answer to win this game.

Too many classless people using google

2009-11-25T04:02:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to a nice pic of Michelle Obama.

Google news stories about google image searches to find out why.

Celebrity gift suggestions will return soon.

Chris Brown gets off easy

2009-06-23T01:00:00.000-07:00

Woman beater Chris Brown made a plea deal to keep him out of jail.

And no sir, I don't like it.

He should have had to serve at least 6 months of the sentence. Among the violent juveniles I work with, probation is considered a win, pretty much.

And we all know that his community work is gonna come down to performing free concerts for puppies, i.e. promote his new album.

And why aren't they making him pay like a million to a woman's shelter or something? Missed opportunity there to have some of his money go to a better cause than blow and herpes medication.

Republican Perv Panda of Pennsylvania

2009-05-31T09:30:00.000-07:00

An aide to Republican State Senator Jane Orie (R-PA) found an interesting way to try and make up for the extinction of rare animal species caused by Republican pro-industry policies: Dress up as an endangered critter and try to mate with underage boys.

Yes. Alan David Berlin, a 40-year-old conservative, tried to have sex with a 14-year-old boy using the name "alan_panda_bear" on internet forums for furries. That's people who think the series of "Beethoven" movies is soft porn, if you don't know.

Because if it's not weird beyond belief, it's not a Republican sex scandal.

So without any further ado (as I am quite speechless), here is Big Mama Thornton's Hound Dog - for all you animal lovers out there.

The All-Dark, All-Grim Future of DC Comics

2009-05-31T02:12:00.000-07:00

Some "spoilers" if you have not read comics in the past 8 years or so.
Some "soilers" if you have a weak stomach.

To sum up the past couple of years in DC Comics: Sue Dibny gets raped by Dr Light and killed by Jean Loring along with her unborn baby in Identity Crisis.
Blue Beetle gets shot in the head by a supporting character from the most humorous take the Justice League had ever known in Countdown. Bwa-ha.. huh?
Pantha gets her head torn off on panel and Phantom Lady gets a sword poked through her obscene cleavage in Infinite Crisis.
Big Barda dies near her refrigerator while putting away groceries in DonG.
Martian Manhunter, first of the Silver Age heroes, gets murdered by d-listers in Final Crisis. Batman buys it, too, but nobody buys that.
Barry Allen is the new dark detective, fighting crime because his mother was brutally murdered in Flash: Rebirth.
1970s cartoon characters get murdered and otherwise brutalized in Teen Titans.
Jericho goes on a murderous rampage in Titans.
King Kobra kills babies on live TV in Faces of Evil.

And now they tell us in the promotional material for Blackest Night:

The dead rise across the DC Universe, bringing terror and darkness with them.

Wow! Terror and darkness will come to the DC Universe!

Just how will we be able to tell the difference?

Clearly, DC will have to up the ante to keep fans reading. But where do you go once you crossed the "killing babies on live TV" threshold? How can you avoid becoming anticlimactic?

I say go for the big H.

Holocaust on Earth 2 (the last days of the Justice Society - for real... who likes old people?)
Holocaust on Earth 5 (watch Tawny the Tiger go to the gas chambers)
Identity Holocaust (the rapes of Wonder Woman, Black Canary, Ma Hunkel and Lois Lane)
Holocaust on Infinite Earths (all the Flashes die this time)
Infinite Holocaust (Johnny DC is revealed to be a 5th-Dimensional imp and kills every Titan and former JLI member who is still left)
Final Holocaust (nobody will be quite sure what's happening in this one as it's written in a revolutionary new style that features dialogs as haikus that aren't included in the book but can be accessed via Twitter)

I mean, when you got it, flaunt it, Dan DiDio!

Rihanna to Cover Crystals Classic?

2009-03-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

Usually deluded sources tell me that Rihanna's next single is a cover of the Crystal's infamous song, He Hit Me And It Felt Like A Kiss, written by the fabulous Carole King.

This exclusive piece of information is, of course, badly fabricated. But at this point, it would not surprise me the least bit.

In other Rihanna news, lawyers for Ms Tina Turner are rumored to prepare a copyright infringement suit against the Bajan songstress.

Good Riddance, 2008

2008-12-31T06:15:00.000-08:00

As the last few hours of 2008 are ticking down here, I'm trying to avoid reflecting too much on all the bad things that went down in this, the worst year I remember living through.

Damn! This sure was no pick nick. And to add insult to injury, they're making this stinker of a year a second longer!

So anyway. Hit the road, 2008. Don't let the door hit ya.

I found this really nice New Years Eve clip of Gladys Knight singing "Overnight Success" on youtube. May 2009 bring us all the fulfillment of our dreams.

Our Prayers Are Answered: Medical Breakthrough

2008-12-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

Heroic scientists have found a cure for one of the most devastating ailments of our times: Flimsy-eye-lash syndrome.

Allergan Inc, the maker of Botox, said on Friday that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved its eyelash-thickening drug Latisse.

Latisse is designed to treat a condition known as hypotrichosis of the eyelashes, which means a person does not have enough eyelashes.

The active ingredient in Latisse is bimatroprost, the same ingredient that is in Allergan's glaucoma treatment Lumigan. Patients taking Lumigan found a side effect of the drug to be eyelash growth, prompting Allergan to study it for the new use.

Latisse is a once-daily prescription treatment that is applied to the base of the upper eyelash with a sterile, single-use-per-eye disposable applicator. Once treatment is stopped, eyelashes will gradually return to where they were prior to treatment.

True, it's more of a treatment than a permanent cure, but even so: No longer will those who suffer from flimsy-eyelash-syndrome (FES) be unable to throw a sultry wink at a handsome man in a three piece suit. No longer will small insects be able to dive into their eye balls like Greg Louganis into a pool. This amazing discovery lashes out at a debilitating affliction that affected dozens of people around the world.

To celebrate this great discovery, here is one of the most stylish videos of all time, Ashford and Simpson's "Found a Cure!"

Celebrity Gift Suggestions: Rick Warren

2008-12-19T11:11:00.000-08:00

I've been out with bronchitis for a while, but I am recovering just in time to bring you another installment of the Internet's fastest growing blog sensation, Celebrity Gift Suggestions.

Today's gift is just perfect for Rick Warren. I'm sure we're all a bit stumped how a right wing preacher who compared President Elect Obama to a holocaust denier before the election now ended up being invited to do some superstitious hoodoo I don't get at the inauguration. But we can't be as stumped as Warren's family members, who are facing the task of buying a gift for somebody who made enough money with his book deals to bail out the auto industry all by himself.

Well, be stumped no more, Warrenses. Your prayers have been answered!

For Rick Warren: A Mike Jones gift certificate.

A few hours with the man who previously serviced Warren's esteemed colleague Ted Haggard, and possibly Larry Craig, too, and Rick could get out of his system whatever makes him think about homosexuality so much. Everybody wins!

Just a word of advice, Mr Warren: No barebacking at Saddleback, mmmkay? We want this Christmas to remain merry!

Celebrity Gift Suggestions: Ann Coulter

2008-11-27T11:25:00.000-08:00

I am not sure if this person does have loved ones, but here is today's gift suggestion for right wing harpy, Ann Coulter.

A straw.

It's two gifts in one, really: First, she will need one to have her daily small diet water, as she broke her jaw recently and they wired it shut - hopefully permanently. I mean that in the most loving and constructive way possible.
Also, the straw being very thin, 100% white and completely empty is a dead ringer for Ann - so you can tell her it's the ultra rare new Ann Coulter action figure!

The straw is available for free in most fast food restaurants and already comes gift-wrapped in stylish white paper. Show her she's worth it!

Celebrity Gift Suggestions: Big 3 Auto CEOs

2008-11-26T07:29:00.000-08:00

With this newest installment of the increasingly popular "Celebrity Gift Suggestions", I am responding to an increase in demand by lending a hand to several families at once. I am talking about the loved ones (and trophy wives) of the CEOs of America's leading car makers.

Alan Mulally of Ford, Robert Nardelli of Chrysler and Richard Wagoner of GM saw it fit to fly to Washington in their individual private jets to explain to the government how their companies are doing so badly that only a dose of socialist welfare will keep them over water.

Now, the perfect gift for those three gentlemen must be ...

The Greedy Bastards edition of "Simplify Your Life!"
Unlike the book I suggested for Kenny Rogers, this one is not available anywhere yet. But I am just disgusted enough to write it.

Celebrity Gift Suggestions: Ted Haggard

2008-11-24T14:16:00.000-08:00

I hesitate to call Ted Haggard a celebrity, as he is more infamous than famous. I guess a better description of the man best known as Pastor Meth would be lying, hypocritical scum.

But it's the season to be giving and loving, and lord knows the man put his family through enough and they deserve a little support - and what am I if not giving?

The formerly reverend Ted Haggard now resurfaced as an insurance salesman. Because our opinion of him had not been low enough previously, I guess. But back to being giving.

For Ted Haggard, I suggest two gifts: "Praise the Lord" tumblers and Jesus air fresheners.

Because nothing fills that void left behind by crystal meth like cheap liquor downed praising the almighty, and nothing chases away the aroma of santorum like a pine scented messiah.

Merry Christmas, Haggard family!

Celebrity Gift Suggestions: Kenny Rogers

2008-11-23T03:03:00.000-08:00

Ho, ho, fricken ho. As the first snow is decorating the roofs I can see from my window, I decided to give the gift of inspired ideas this holiday season to the many families of celebrities I am sure are reading my blog.

It must be hard when you have to buy something for somebody who has everything. I know Oprah said she really loved the Lalique decanter that Luther Vandross gave her a few years ago, but are we really sure she did not use it as a gravy boat because she already had fourteen others?

So this year, at absolutely no cost to the public, I am presenting gift ideas for celebrities on my blog.

First off is that icon of country and pop music, one of the most successful recording artists of all time, Kenny Rogers.

For Kenny, I suggest his family buy the book How to Fold by Pepin Press:

Kenny has known for years when to fold 'em. It's about time he learned how to fold 'em, too.

How to Fold is a whopping 432 pages and comes with a CD ROM. It's available for less than 20 bucks from good book stores or online. Are you reading, Rogers family??

Kim Jong Il Photoshop Controversy

2008-11-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

The North Korean government has been releasing all kinds of photos of Kim Jong Il posing with soldiers to prove that he is not, you know, pushing up posies. Only problem is: As The Telegraph notes, the photos look manipulated. Holy Weekend at Bernie's, Batman! Here is another photo of Kim visiting with a special undercover task force of the proud North Korean army. You be the judge... I think it looks legit, personally.

The Gourmet Choice: Bacon > Fries

2008-11-07T00:33:00.001-08:00

Not a hoax: That race was between Bob Bacon and Matt Fries. It is not true, however, that the Green Party candidate was one Michelle Milk-Shake.

Two Great Voices Fell Silent Forever

2008-10-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

Over the past few days, two of my favorite singers passed away.

Dee Dee Warwick... Dionne's sister, who called her "the singer in the family." She may not have had Dionne's perfect command of melodies, but she more than made up for that with extra helpings of passion and soul. She sang the original version of "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me", later recorded by the Supremes with the Temptations as well as Gladys Knight and the Pips. And I'm pretty sure that if you give her wonderful recordings a listen, she will indeed make you love her. Dee Dee was only 63 years old but had spent her final months in a nursing home due to bad health.

Levi Stubbs, the unforgettable lead singer of the Four Tops, also passed away. He was 72 and had long been plagued by serious health crisis, including cancer.
Levi is often underestimated as a "shouter" because he is best known for songs like "Reach Out, I'll Be There" and "Standing in the Shadows of Love." But the strength of his voice came with impeccable control and could reveal an unexpected tenderness, as on the Four Tops original recording of "I Believe in You and Me" - a song that requires a humongous vocal range and was later covered by voice acrobats David Peaston and Whitney Houston. But to me, the Four Tops version will always be the ultimate rendition of this beautiful love song, due to the unparalleled Levi Stubbs.

Review: Bourbon Island, 1730

2008-10-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

On a recent trip to France, I picked up a new graphic novel by one of my favorite authors, Lewis Trondheim. The upcoming English translation from First Second publishers will be called Bourbon Island 1730, and I cannot recommend it highly enough. In previous works, Trondheim has dealt with everything from offbeat sci-fi humor to Seinfeld-style character studies and almost Proustian philosophizing. And almost always, he has done so with funny animal characters. This time, he and co-writer Appollo take a look at a dark chapter in the history of the latter's home island, once called Bourbon but nowadays known as La Réunion.

The tale starts out as an adventurous tapestry of engaging characters: the ornithologist trying to find the maybe-not-extinct-yet dodo, his young assistant who is fascinated with the stories of Pirates on the island, the farmer's daughter who has romantic ideas about the escaped slaves living in the jungle while her father is a former pirate who took advantage of the French government's (historically authentic) amnesty offer.

The story soon becomes something much deeper, however. It does not fall into the trap of romanticizing the past. Its depiction of slavery is brutal and moving. Bourbon Island 1730 could be to slavery what Art Spiegelman's Maus was to the Holocaust.

I took the liberty to translate a dialog from around the middle of this 288 page (including the helpful historical notes in the back) black and white graphic novel.

A young Yoruba was recently captured in his West-African home and sold into slavery. From outside his jail, he is suddenly addressed in his own language by an unknown stranger...

- What's going to happen to me?

- Tomorrow you'll be sold on the market square. A planter will buy you with a lot of other slaves and take you to his plantation. You'll be a pick-axe negro. They'll give you a garment you'll wear a year. And you will sleep in a cabana with the others.
In the morning, before the sun rises, you will head out to the coffee fields. You will work all day without rest. If it's not fast enough, the commander will whip you. At nightfall, you return to the cabana. You'll be to beat to think of anything. You will sleep like a beast to try and recover before the new day.
Sundays, you may sometimes rest. But the white preachers will take you to church where you will pray to their God. Forget the old gods: they never did anything for you and nobody here knows them. The new god isn't any better, but one has to pretend.

- Is there no escape?

- The Malagasies sometimes escape to the mountains. But the Whites will soon chase them down. Others build logboats to try to make it back to the big island. But I don't know if any of them ever survived the crossing. But you, little head, where would you go? Your home is too far away. You have nowhere to go. If the whites catch you trying to flee, the first time they will cut off your ear. The second time, they will cut off your foot and the third time, they will kill you. As you see, it's well organized.

- What about you? Are you going to do something for me?

- No... Here, take this knife. Kill Dhermitte if you can. If not him, any white will do. Don't use it against yourself - kill somebody else with it. They need to know that they, too, can die like dogs at any moment. I'm going to leave you now. It was nice to talk in the language of the old country again...

Bourbon Island 1730 is solicited for October 28 from First Second. Ask for it at your local comic book store.

Congratulations, soon-to-be Grandma, Sarah Palin!

2008-09-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

Sarah "not Hillary" Palin, expected to be the second woman in history to lose an election as candidate for the vice presidency, announced that her 17 year old daughter Bristol "the Pistol" Palin is 5 months pregnant.

And now the lucky dad, whoever he is, will have to marry her.

As ABC News informs us:

Gov. Palin is a strong proponent of teaching abstinence-only sex education to teenagers.

It gives a whole new meaning to "no child left behind," doesn't it? Let's just hope she doesn't give the kid an embarrassing name.

Anyway...

You might not remember this singer from the 80s, but my best friend still loves her and the story the song tells is kind of relevant here.

When the Pen Is Not Mightier...

2008-08-29T06:43:00.001-07:00

So. You thought you'd get through this election season without me blogging about it, didn't you?

Well, think again, Chester! Never let it be said that the4thpip stood idly by as ruthless politicians mistreated grammar.

Yes: I said grammar. And yes, this is about John McCain. But it is not about the fact that all of his sentences have the structure verb/noun/P.O.W.

It's about this pen, available from his official campaign store (thanks to Infra-Man for posting this out to me at YABS):

I guess that's what you get when you have your merchandise produced on the cheap in Asia. Or maybe it is to imply that learning impaired students support McCain?

Anyway, it seems horribly unpatriotic to mistreat your native language with unnecessary apostrophes. I hope we soon will get to see a Democratic ad that ends with the lines: "John McCain. Wrong on Grammar. Wrong for America."

I am the4thpip and I approve and proof-read this message.

Also, as John McCain has a lot to learn in spite of being 200 years old, here is somebody whose drinking has probably made Cindy McCain a nice bundle of money over the past few years - Amy Winehouse, with "Teach me Tonight."

Update: It seems somebody at the campaign read this and fixed the spelling on the image posted at the online store. Of course, if they already have 300 boxes in stock, that won't help them much.

Summer Reruns: Ted Haggard All Done with Rehab... Again?

2008-06-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

Haven't I blogged about this twice already?
Penis chewing, meth smoking pastor Ted "Pastor Meth" Haggard is all done with the rehab program that would turn him back into the upstanding, Jesus worshiping penis chewer and meth smoker that he'll always be.

I'm having a serious case of déjà vu. So here is a Dionne Warwick, who has a cousin with a bit of a drug problem herself, with the song of the same title. "Déjà Vu" that is, not "Penis Chew."

Dale Eaglesham wins coveted Shuster Award

2008-06-16T02:59:00.000-07:00

There is no higher honor for Canadian comic book artists than being named "Outstanding Canadian Comic Book Artist" at the Shuster Awards, named of course after Superman co-creator Joe Shuster. This year's deserved winner is Dale Eaglesham for his work on Justice Society of America. And he was up against some stiff competition: Tom Grummett, Pia Guerra, Stuart Immonen, Karl Kerschl, Thierry Labrosse, Jacques Lamontagne.

I hope DC Comics will give Dale a raise now... The weak US Dollar can't be easy on Canadian creators working for US companies!

Here is a panel from Dale's earlier work on Villains United:

Who's gonna be Obama's Veep? I heard something on the grapevine.

2008-06-15T02:01:00.000-07:00

So everybody's speculating whom McCain and Obama are going to pick as their running mates.

For McCain, who is already falling behind in the polls, there are basically two strategies: He could pick a woman to get some of Hillary's voters who are still upset that she did not get a nomination. Or face the fact that he is quite unpopular in his own party and pick one of his former opponents from the primaries: Giuliani, Huckabee, Romney, Thompson.

Which is why I think Barrack Obama should pick Gladys Knight as his vice president. She is a woman like Hillary, a triple divorcée like Rudy, a Southerner like Huckabee, a Mormon like Romney and a TV actor like Thompson. She is the Super-Adaptoid weapon to counter every possible Veep McCain could pick!

And to prove that she performs well as part of a team, here she is with Marvin Gaye doing "I heard it through the Grapevine" with cabinet members The Pips in the background.

Raising Her Voice a Little Higher: The Pain of Linda Jones

2008-05-22T04:44:00.000-07:00

CDs with warning labels are nothing new, as one can find the "Explicit Lyrics" sticker on albums by artists as different as gangsta rapper Snoop Dogg and the early blues diva Bessie Smith.

But a good decade or so ago I pulled a CD from a "marked down to next to nothing" bin that had a warning label of kind that I had never before encountered:

The music contained herein exudes an intensity rarely evident in popular stylings, and even infrequent within the "deep soul" idiom, and if you are not that familiar with Linda's output, I would genuinely recommend that you sample this CD in smaller doses.

I had never heard of Ms Jones at that point, but how could I not put down my 2 bucks and change for a CD that came with that kind of caveat?

Linda was signed to Loma records in the 1960s, but never achieved the kind of success that her stable mates Lorraine Ellison or Ike and Tina Turner were blessed with. The excellent double CD "The Best Of Loma Records: The Rise And Fall Of A 1960's Soul Label" contains no less than five songs by Linda, including her almost-hit "Hypnotized". She later signed to Sylvia Robinson's Turbo Records in the early 70s, and unfortunately most of the recordings from that era sound somewhat distorted whenever the technical equipment of the era was outdone by Linda's unique vocal range (which was basically all the time).

The first thing that will hit you - hard - about Linda Jones is that she never held back. Her rare joyous songs are ecstatic jubilations, while the majority of her tunes convey a sadness and drama that make you fear Linda has already put the razor blade next to her bath tub. Linda was a bit like Patti Labelle in so far that she did not seem to know any moderation, though her voice is very different from Ms Patti's.

If you compare Linda's recording of "I can't Make it Alone" with Dusty Springfield's version, you can't help but notice how much more Linda "got" the lyric. As incomparable and talented as Dusty was, as brilliantly produced as the "Dusty in Memphis" album is, I doubt you'll ever be able to enjoy Dusty's understated reading of the song again once you have sampled Linda's agonized, driven masterpiece interpretation of the King/Goffin composition. When she yells "Help me!" you just want to reach through your speakers and hold on to her for her own, dear life.

Linda suffered from health problems, including diabetes, and died at the very young age of 28. The pain in her voice was clearly driven by pain in her life, and maybe she explains her singing style best herself in her spoken, rambling ad libs in the middle of her knock-you-to-your socks cover of Jerry Butler's early hit, For Your Precious Love. If this version of the song sounds remotely familiar to you, that is probably due to the cloned version that Truth Hurts recorded for the soundtrack of the Will Smith movie Ali a few years ago. Personally, I would have preferred if they'd remastered Linda's recording to use it on the soundtrack to introduce more people to this forgotten diva. Anyway, here is what Linda said in that song, and if you click on the clip below, lord have mercy, you can hear her explain herself better than I ever could.

You know something ladies? And especially you ladies, I'd like to speak to you.
Cause you know something, ladies? If you got a man, I don't care what kind of man you got he'll want you to get down on your knees sometimes and kind of crawl a little.
But you know what? I got a man that's somewhere out there that I don't mind crawling to.
Sometimes I wake up in the midnight hour with tears rolling down my face.
And when I look around for my man, I can't find him.
Hell, I fall a little lower, look a little higher
Kind of pray to the Lord.
Because I always believed the Lord can help me if nobody else could
Well sometimes I think he don't even hear me!
So I have to fall a little lower on my knees, look a little higher,
Kind of raise my voice a little higher
And this is what I sing when I call to my man
And I especially want you ladies to listen to me
Because maybe you can try this
It might help you once in a while
This is what you sing...

It's International Day Against Homophobia

2008-05-17T00:18:00.000-07:00

Today, May 17 is the International Day Against Homophobia.

If you don't know what Homophobia means: it's not fear of humans, as the linguists among you might wrongly deduce. The word is a tad confusing because the behavior it describes, at least on the surface, is not fear, but hatred. Hatred of homosexuals, bisexuals, transgendereds.

Sometimes I feel like calling it a phobia is almost trying to excuse inexcusable behavior. Did the people who murdered Matthew Shepard really do so out of fear of something that they did not understand, or were their hearts just cold and spiteful organs pumping bile instead of blood?

I won't try and claim that I can figure out the root of a kind of hatred that unfortunately is found in so many cultures around the world. But I believe in my soul that education is a key, and that governments have a responsibility to signal that gays and lesbians are of equal value to society as everybody else. In that sense, I applaud the California Supreme Court for not only allowing many Cali lovers to finally tie the knot, but to hopefully also help us drive back homophobia in the long run.

Here is another very nice remix of Carl Bean's "Born this Way." Why does it seem that the music industry has been taking steps back since the 70s, if THE African-American label of the day, Motown, could release a rousing gay disco-gospel anthem back then, but nothing like that seems to be out there today?
If I were you, I'd sit down and consider what you're doin'!

Look in the Sky! It's a Bird! It's a Ham!

2008-05-07T05:50:00.000-07:00

It's an interview with my buddy Dale Eaglesham over at Talk the Geek!

When Mommy and Daddy (and conservatives) Don't Know Best

2008-04-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

This week, health experts told the US congress something that should have been common knowledge for years now: "Abstinence only" sex education does not work.

Armed with scientific studies showing that not only is the "just keep your pants zipped" approach less effective than comprehensive curricula, it can actually be worse than no sex ed at all!

The organisations represented at the hearing included the American Academy of Pediatrics, the U.S. Institute of Medicine, the American Public Health Association, the American Psychological Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. They spoke with one voice: Sex education that does not include information on contraceptives like condoms does not lower the rates of teenage pregnancies and infections with STDs. Some of the those programs actually lead to higher rates in both cases.

Republicans in the House of Representatives were stunned and apologized for wasting $ 1.3 billion of taxpayer money on those ineffective programs since the late 90s, and for sabotaging successful HIV-prevention programs in countries like Uganda by tying financial aid to abstinence only programs.

No wait, they didn't. They don't give a damn about science and facts. As Stephen Colbert once remarked, reality has a well-known liberal bias. They want to hold on to programs that make America's youth sicker and put them in desperate situations. Family values, indeed.

My favorite idiot in this is Rep. John "John" Duncan, a Tennessee Republican, who according to Reuters said

that it seems "rather elitist" that people with academic degrees in health think they know better than parents what type of sex education is appropriate. "I don't think it's something we should abandon," he said of abstinence-only funding.

Yes John, they're a part of the country's elite. Because they are better educated than many, most certainly better than you. They are part of an elite that you should turn to for answers instead of trying to make "elitist" a slam the way you and your friends did with "liberal" years ago. Would you also claim that parents who raise their children on a diet of sugary sodas and cheeseburgers know better than nutritionists?

It's time to stop talking about values and actually standing for some, John. You're killing kids.

Dedicated to John Duncan, here is a pre-Thetan level Will Smith aka the Fresh Prince with DJ Jazzy Jeff and "Parents Just Don't Understand!"

DJ Jazzy Parents Just Don't Understand

When Good News Makes for Tough Choices

2008-03-29T07:40:00.000-07:00

I know, it's been a while. But at least I brought a new look for spring!

One of the reasons I've been away from blogging has been that my volunteering for the local AIDS center has kept me busier than usual. Other than looming budget cuts we had to deal with a bit of potentially very good news for millions of people living with HIV.

EKAF, the Swiss National AIDS Commission published a report in the Schweizerische Ärztezeitung (Swiss Journal for Medical Professionals) stating that research shows that HIV positive patients whose viral load has been undetectable for more than 6 months as a result of the usual combination therapy no longer seem to be passing on the virus to their sex partners (if they are free of other STDs). You can read an unofficial translation of the article here.

To clarify things for those not overly familiar with the subject matter: The combination therapy is not a cure. Once you go off the meds, the virus comes back with a vengeance.

I am still not quite sure how I feel about that publication. On the one hand, I have friends whose partners are HIV-positive while they are not, and this must be a huge relief for each half of those relationships. Heck, most people with HIV would have a burden lifted from them.

On the other hand, I have quite a few questions.

First of all, the research seems to be mostly based on heterosexual intercourse. As anal sex has long been known to be the riskiest for transmission,how sure are we that the results can be translated to the gay population?

Secondly, a doctor working at the local Chronic Infectious Diseases clinic told me a couple of years ago that almost all new infections they see are with virus strains that already have a level of immunity against some of the drugs being used in combination therapy. That means that at some point in the chain of infections, this virus was transmitted by a person who had received anti retroviral medication for quite some time. Are we to believe that all those people showed bad compliance with their medication regimens to remain infectious? And wouldn't infection rates actually go down instead of up as they have in recent years?

And finally: How do we prevent these news from filtering down to "Condoms aren't necessary anymore" in too many heads?

I'd like to see more research into this. As usual, we should avoid the easy answers. Neither going on with the same old prevention message nor calling off the dogs is in any way advisable here. If the results from the Swiss study prove accurate, we need to get more people tested and get infected people on medications sooner. We need to fight even stronger to get those with HIV in developing countries access to medication as it would not only add years to their lives and life to their years, it would actually slow down the spread of the disease.

As for all of us individually, I'd listen to this advice that the late Mary Wells is dishing out in one of my favorite songs by her:

Crack-Smoking Celeb Leaves Rehab Early

2008-02-07T07:52:00.000-08:00

And it's not Amy Winehouse. No, no no!

It's our old friend, Pastor Meth Haggard! Evidently, he can't tell the world often enough that he's no longer gay, no longer sucking on male escorts and no longer smoking crack.

The team appointed to oversee Ted Haggard's "spiritual restoration" after scandal forced him to end his ministry at New Life Church has agreed to his request to end their oversite of his recovery program.

New Life Church issued a statement Tuesday saying it believes the termination of the relationship is premature, but would not say why. Earlier in the process, church leaders had said they assumed that Haggard's recovery could take several years.

The Colorado Springs evangelical congregation that Haggard founded also said it remains convinced that he should not return to any church ministry.

Haggard prematurely leaves rehab, New Life Church says

Here's a little something to educate Pastor Meth: Pour Homme's cover of Carl Bean's Motown classic, Born this way.

Oh, Snap!

2007-12-11T13:57:00.001-08:00

Hiring a graphics designer is expensive... So when 80s dance floor act Snap! needed a cover for their single "I've Got The Power" they did what many do and just stole the artwork, in this case from a page from a comic book by legendary and eccentric comic book artist, John Byrne.

When the song hit number one around the world, they quickly replaced the cover with one that was less obviously stolen.A page from Alpha Flight (volume 1) #11, art by John Byrne.

The cover of Snap's first hit single.

Snap sure liked ripping off people with the initials J.B.: The title line in the lyrics was stolen from a song by Jocelyn Brown, who got her due not much later when Incognito featured her on their first big hit, Always There:

Quote of the Day

2007-12-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

From a fab new interview with Miss Patti Labelle:

Usually, the hard women are after me! When I got my divorce, the women jumped on me like white on rice! I said, "Look, I ain't ever did fish, I don't intend to do fish so leave me alone."

And I know just how she feels! Maybe the ladies were hoping Patti had changed her attitude a little more than she did.

80's Patti LaBelle - New Attitude

Aretha Franklin's Onion

2007-11-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

When my brother and I were kids, my mother sometimes read us a fairy tale called "The Onion."

It was the story of an evil, selfish old lady who had done only one good deed in her life: She had given a single onion to a starving homeless beggar. After her death, she finds herself in hell - but she is told that her one good deed might be her salvation: An onion is lowered from the heavens that just might be strong enough to lift her up to the pearly gates and beyond if only she can hold on to it.

So grab the onion she did, and as she got lifted up, some other lost souls saw their chance to spend eternity in cooler climates and held on to her legs. "No!" she screamed. "It will never carry all of us. Get your own damn onion!" as she kicks them off. Of course, at that very moment, the onion falls apart and she becomes Satan's bitch for evah and evah.

Ah, I love a story where the guy gets the girl in the end. Sniff.

But anyway. I'm sure all of us know evil people who have that one redeeming moment, some may even have a few. For example, did you know that Diana Ross helped pay Mary Wells's medical bills when the latter was dying of throat cancer?

For me, Aretha Franklin's onion moment was when she handed over the Grammy she had just won for her "Young, Gifted and Black" album to fellow nominee Esther Phillips. I had always assumed that Aretha realized what I feel about the two albums in question: While "Young, Gifted and Black" is one of several phenomenal Aretha recordings, Esther's "From a Whisper to a Scream" was a musical milestone, an emotional tour de force that would stand the test of time as one of the greatest albums ever recorded.

And then I read Aretha's explanation in her autobiography, "From These Roots." Here it is, straight from the horse's ass. I mean mouth. Maybe.

Perhaps my most memorable Grammy moment, though, was when I appreciated another artist. It happened at the 1972 Grammy ceremonies.
I won for Young, Gifted and Black but gave the Grammy to Esther Phillips, who had been nominated for From a Whisper to a Scream. I liked Esther's record, although I didn't consider it better than mine. I gave her my Grammy because Esther was battling personal demons, and I felt she could use encouragement.

It was a pity Grammy!!

Go kick at Esther's soul, Aretha. See what it will get you.

I am not even gonna dedicate an Aretha clip to this entry. Here are Marvin and Tammy Terrell, with the Onion Song.

Rep. Bob Allen Found Guilty

2007-11-11T03:31:00.000-08:00

John McCain's Florida campaign honcho and state Representative Bob Allen is not having a good week.

Seconds after he was convicted Friday of soliciting a sex act in a park bathroom, legislative leaders were discussing how to remove him from office.

"This conviction makes it impossible for Rep. Allen to represent responsibly the citizens of his district," Florida House Speaker Marco Rubio said in a statement. "Furthermore, it is my personal belief that it harms the reputation of the Florida House of Representatives. We will now take the appropriate steps."

Allen, R-Merritt Island, who did not testify in his own defense, insisted he is innocent.

"I have done nothing wrong, and my family, my God and my good constituents know that," Allen said as he left the courtroom flanked by his three attorneys. "We're going to continue to seek justice."

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, to clear his name, Bob Allen will devote his time to finding the real fellationists!
I think he might have gotten off if his lawyer had considered asking the arresting officer to drop his pants in court and going for a "if the cock don't fit, you must acquit" defense.

Cough.

Anyway, here is Gladys Knight with "Guilty."

Featuring Creatures

2007-11-04T03:43:00.000-08:00

A quick plug for a friend: My old message board buddy Ty, aka Spongeboy, aka General Admission, has a cool new feature on his blog about mythological creatures featuring his own artwork. His first two installments are:

The Barbegazi
The Amphisbaena

Giuliani is trying hard to convince America that he is from the Republican wing of the Republican party

2007-10-24T01:31:00.000-07:00

Say what you will about Rudy, he has a good compass for what Republicans really stand for, and lately that seems to be child molestation.

As ABC reports:

Giuliani Defends, Employs Priest Accused of Molesting Teens

Presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani hired a Catholic priest to work in his consulting firm months after the priest was accused of sexually molesting two former students and an altar boy and told by the church to stop performing his priestly duties.

The priest, Monsignor Alan Placa, a longtime friend of Giuliani and the priest who officiated at his second wedding to Donna Hanover, continues to work at Giuliani Partners in New York, to the outrage of some of his accusers and victims' groups, which have begun to protest at Giuliani campaign events.

"This man did unjust things, and he's being protected and employed and taken care of. It's not a good thing," said one of the accusers, Richard Tollner, who says Placa molested him repeatedly when he was a student at a Long Island, N.Y. Catholic boys high school in 1975.

At a campaign appearance in Milwaukee last week, Giuliani continued to defend Placa, who he described to reporters as a close friend for 39 years.
(...)

The report concluded that Priest F, and several other priests under investigation from the same Long Island, N.Y. diocese, could not be prosecuted because the statute of limitations had expired.

Several former students from the same high school say they were asked by the "Giuliani organization" to contact ABC News and vouch for Placa.

Link

The Republican party: Would you let those guys babysit your children?

To anyone who will fight to keep those people from power, here is Marvin Gaye with "For God's sake, won't somebody please think about the children??"

Now all we need is Jeff Gannon to be involved

2007-10-06T01:59:00.000-07:00

The male prostitute who provided penis and crystal meth to Pastor Meth Ted Haggard claims that Larry Craig was his client, too.

I'd say that's too good to be true, but when has Mike Jones ever lied to us?

I'm kind of wondering... who's making love to Larry Craig's and Ted Haggard's old ladies, while they're out kneeling in front of Mike Jones?

Hell No, Larry Craig Won't Go

2007-10-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

Idaho Senator Larry Craig wasn't allowed to withdraw his guilty plea, but he had his mind set on withdrawing something, so he's not resigning from the Senate as he had promised/announced/broadly hinted at previously.

One reason he gave was that he can do much more good for Idaho than a rookie senator because after many years in Congress, he sits on all of them important committees. I guess it slipped his mind that his Republican brethren already made him step down from all those committees. And they will no doubt continue to put pressure on him to step down, as he has put himself under the public's magnifying glass. When he shamefully continued his pattern of homophobic votes recently by voting against extending hate-crimes legislation to gay, lesbian and transgendered victims, the media took notice. And they will continue to do so - Craig will be a damned homo if he does, a damned homo if he doesn't. And they will dig up every trick he ever turned.

I am sure his fellow Republican Senators would prefer he followed Mark Foley's example, so let's dedicate Amy Winhouse's "Rehab" to Larry Craig, shall we?

Wish You Were Here

2007-09-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

Happy 80th birthday, dad. We miss you.

Chaka's Amnesia

2007-09-26T03:12:00.000-07:00

While I am happy to report that the rest of Chaka Khan's new album Funk This is much better than that messy duet with Mary J Blige I blogged about a few weeks ago.

But I am a bit confused why both she and her record company claim that it's her first album in a decade:

Chaka Khan releases first album in decade

Khan also duets with Mary J. Blige on the track "Disrespectful," and she hopes "Funk This" fills what she feels has been a void since her last album, the 1998 Reprise release "Come 2 My House."

"I went to about three companies (after Reprise)," she said. "We almost got to the point where we were gonna record and things got funky so I left. I just figured when it happens it'll happen, y'know?"

Khan kept busy in that time, though, touring constantly and snagging a Grammy in 2003 for her cover of "What's Going On" with the Funk Brothers.

First off, it's not been a full decade since 1998, but let's not nit-pick. But it's barely been 3 years since Chaka's wonderful album ClassicKhan with the London Symphonic orchestra. Sanctuary may not be a big label, but it should have been a big album. Chaka's singing was impeccable, and her renditions of songs like "To Sir With Love" and "Diamonds are Forever" were stunning.

Here is some different Classic Khan:

For Laura Dern, the Masquerade Ain't Over

2007-09-25T00:48:00.000-07:00

Back in 1995, actress Laura Dern played opposite Eric Stoltz in "Mask," the latter being covered by thick layers of latex and makeup as his character suffered from a skull deformity.

For her next project, Ms Dern will suffer a similar fate: On HBO's upcoming TV movie Recount, she will play your favorite crazy Republican and mine, Katherine Harris! While this will no doubt mean hours upon hours spent with makeup artists, at least the movie takes place before Kitty got her mammary enhancements, so we won't have to worry about her developing a bad back from carrying around falsies on stage all day.

I just hope Laura's hottie rock star husband, Ben Harper, won't be too badly traumatized.

To the very courageous Laura Dern, here is George Benson with "This Masquerade."

Fun with Katherine Harris and selective quoting

2007-09-23T05:50:00.000-07:00

From tbo.com:

Religious Right Leaders Congregate

BRANDON - Some of the best-known national leaders in the religious right movement have converged on a Brandon church this weekend for a conference to discuss gay rights issues (...).

It also included one of the first public appearances by Katherine Harris, former Florida secretary of state and U.S. House member (...).

Harris suggested she's happy to be out.

(...)

Dedicated to out and proud Katherine Harris, here is Jill Sobule with Fabio. Wait a minute, Fabio is in this??

Everybody Wants Angela Merkel's Sweet, Sweet Lovin'

2007-09-15T02:04:00.000-07:00

Poor Angela Merkel. It can't be easy being ~~a pretty girl~~ the only female at all those international summits mostly attended by men of low morals.

First she had to use a Klingon Karate move to fight off George W. Bush's advances:

And now word reaches us that she is sick and tired of French president's Nicolas Sarkozy's wandering hands:

Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel has made it clear that she does not relish being kissed and pawed every time she meets France's Nicolas Sarkozy.

The French President has cultivated a touchy-feeling relationship with his German counterpart, tutoyer-ing and embracing her like a long-lost friend since even before he became President. Frau Merkel - a studious East German minister's daughter - appears to have put up with the Latin Sarkozy's affections at the outset, but has become increasingly weary of his affections.
According to the daily Le Parisien, Merkel's circle is putting word about that Sarkozy should back off with the bises and back-slapping. The previous President, Jacques Chirac, played the Gallic gentlemen with Frau Merkel, giving her a delicate kiss on the hand when they met. Sarkozy has stopped short of bear hugs and ruffling her hair, but not far short.

To poor Angela, I dedicate the great Shirley Bassey with "Can I Touch You... There?"

Shirley Bassey - Can I Touch You... There?

To Bush and Sarkozy, I dedicate the Tubes with "Don't Touch Me There!"
No means no, guys.

This is Awesomesauce!

2007-09-14T04:44:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most of you were unlucky enough to have caught that very scary person on the youtubez of the Internets asking us all to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

As painful as I found that to watch, this is pure genius:
Leave General Petraeus Alone

Britney's VMA Comeback Britneypalooza

2007-09-10T11:45:00.000-07:00

Because the ~~good people~~ employees of Viacom always make sure nobody can watch clips their train wrecks of shows on youtube, this may be one of the few places where you can watch Britney's big Video Music Performance in its entirety.
~~Enjoy.~~ Watch.

PS

2007-09-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

Comparing Sen. Larry Craig's arrest in a public restroom sex sting to a "traffic offense," the Idaho Republican's lawyer says his client should stay in the Senate and fight ethics charges against him.

Via Rawstory.

I guess being rear-ended IS a traffic thing.

Pull up to the bumper, Wide Stance!

He Sucks me, he Sucks me not...

2007-09-05T02:24:00.000-07:00

First he's pleads guilty, then he doesn't.
First he's doing the gay sex, then he's never been gay.
First he resigns from the Senate, now he... might not?

Delusional gay dad and sex starved senator Larry "Wide Stance" Craig is "reconsidering" his resignation according to the AP.

He even might run for re-election. I hope he does, and that the Democrats will have an openly gay or lesbian candidate opposing him, so the voters have a choice between hypocrisy and honesty.

To Larry "Toe Tapper" Craig, I dedicate Tyrone Davis's toe-tapping song about having no spine, "Can I Change my Mind?"

Father Knows Best

2007-08-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

George W. Bush, visiting what is left of New Orleans today, made the following statement:

"My attitude is this: New Orleans, better days are ahead. It's sometimes hard for people to see progress when you live in a community all the time."

Yeah. What do people who actually live in New Orleans know about what it's like to live there.

For everybody who lost someone or something to Katrina (and those who've visited New Orleans know that's all of us), I have Randy Newman's Louisiana 1927.

For all the patronizing people in power who think they know better than the people who have to live the life, I have nothing but contempt.

Come out, come out!

2007-08-29T01:48:00.000-07:00

I said I wasn't gonna blog about him, but it's killing me if I don't.

I saw Larry Craig on TV this morning. He looked just like on his booking photos after his arrest for teh gey mens room sex.

I don't have a verbatim transcript of his statement handy, but this is how I remember it:

I am not gay! I've never been gay, even when I was fooling around with guys in college, I was completely straight! I am not gay!! I will never be gay, even if that lovely Rupert Everett ever starts returning my calls. I mean, I am not gay! I don't even like show tunes! I am pure country & western. It doesn't get more butch than cowboys, right? Not gay! No gayness! Not g-a-y. You got that, you media hacks? With a "y." Youuuuu guys made me confess to a crime I did not commit, the crime of hot, hard bodies rubbing against each other in an excitingly public place. I did not do that. He didn't even go for it! That proves that I AM NOT GAY!

Because it's so damn obvious, here's the video dedicated to Men's Room Larry - George Michael's Outside.

Mark Foley Gettin' Away with it?

2007-08-28T00:40:00.000-07:00

There is so much of this stuff, I won't even bother to blog about the Republican senator from Idaho who was arrested for doing a George Michael in an airport men's room (his handler's call it a “he said/he said misunderstanding” which unfairly makes it sound like he had some kind of relationship with the arresting cop other than wanting to nibble on his privates.) I mean, the "Idaho? He da ho!" jokes are just too obvious.

Because conservative perverts are in season, there's an update on sexually perverted sex pervert and disgraced former Congresspervert Mark Foley in the news. And it's a bit of a downer:

WASHINGTON — Former Congressman Mark Foley is unlikely to face criminal charges for sending sexually explicit e-mails to teenage boys, sources close to the yearlong investigation have told Scripps Howard News Service.
(...)
Sources close to the investigation told Scripps that to date, there has been no criminal finding against Foley. Once the investigation is completed, it will be turned over to prosecutors in Pensacola. Pensacola has jurisdiction in the case because that is where Foley was when one of the explicit messages was sent.
Joe diGenova, the former U.S. Attorney for Washington, DC, said investigators likely could not prove the case had merit.
"My guess is they probably have been unable to find evidence of an actual relationship," diGenova said. "Although the e-mails were suggestive, they didn't violate a statute."

To Mark "everybody knows the thing with the ladies man was a cruel joke" Foley, pictured here in his high school yearbook, I dedicate this clip of Patti Austin singing "Gettin' Away With Murder." Watch Patti wear a pink flamingo on her head early on in the clip, an outfit Mr Foley is sure to have worn on many occasions in the past.

Pentagon Priorities

2007-08-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

Q: What is still more important to the US military than the war in Iraq and the War on Terror™?

A: The war on gays.

To all the corroded military brass who decided to fire brave men and women, even Arabic translators because they were gay or lesbian, I dedicate Otis Redding with You Don't Miss Your Water Till Your Well Runs Dry.

Here! Kitty! Kitty!!

2007-08-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just have to whine about something for miracles to happen.
Katherine Harris is back!

She is a featured speaker at the Family Impact Summit. If said impact is too hard, her fabulously inflated breasts serve as life-saving air bags, I bet!

I hope we get some good pictures of her and Ann Heche's crazy mother.

To Kitty, I dedicate this version of Elton John's "The Bitch is Back" as performed by the Gay Man's Chorus of LA.

Sorry, kids, no embedding of that clip.

Pastor Meth Wants your Money!

2007-08-25T02:38:00.000-07:00

There are so many great causes you can support if you have a little extra cash. You could feed the hungry. You could help keep Wuppertal's AIDS charity afloat in difficult times. You could help two really talented artists with disabilities publish their comic book. You could finance research into dozens of diseases or save the rain forest.

Or you could throw some money at Ted "Pastor Meth" Haggard, so he can continue to feed his cravings for rent-boy schlong and crystal meth. He says he needs your money to feed his family, of course, but why can't he do that when he:

received a salary of $115,000 for the 10 months he worked in 2006 and an $85,000 anniversary bonus before the scandal broke, according to church officials. The church’s board of trustees gave him a severance package that included a year’s salary ($138,000). He also collects royalties on his many book titles.

Haggard owns a home in Colorado Springs that has been for sale. It has a market value of $715,051, according to records from the El Paso County assessor.

How about it? Brothers, can you spend a dime?

I dedicate this clip by my hero, Curtis Mayfield, to all those who don't wanna be junkies.

Now a warning

2007-08-23T12:30:00.000-07:00

NOW a warning??

Sorry, Meryl Streep moment.

We all thought he was gone for good, sent to the slammer, sharing a cell with somebody who actually knows the meaning of the expression "reacharound." But it looks like Rick Olney is back.

So here is a warning by Tony Isabella, also known as "America's Most Beloved ComicBook Writer and Columnist"

For a while there, it looked as if the vile Rick Olney had somehow
acquired at least enough sense to stay offline. That was clearly
foolish optimism on my part as he has once again surfaced to mock
those to whom he owes money; to insult and threaten those victims
and the good people who have championed the cause of his victims;
and to proclaim conventions and publications that have no basis in
reality. So, again, here is my...

WARNING ABOUT RICK OLNEY

A message to all my friends and readers...

If you are approached by an individual named Rick Olney or any
representative of the man, if you are approached by Olney or anyone
else representing entities known as The Mighty Mini-Con, TightLip
Entertainment, ORCA, Mohawk Valley Newsletter, or any commercial
entity or enterprise associated with any of the above, including
online vendors, I strongly urge you to run in the other direction.
You can find some details here:

http://www.unscrewedcomic.com/

You can find many more horrifying details on Olney and his business
practices by doing a search on his name and the other names listed
above. Really. Go look. It will amaze you.

If you trust me, do not attempt to do business with Olney. In fact,
feel free to pass along this warning to any comics professionals,
aspiring comics professionals, retailers, exhibitors, media guests,
and fans you know.

Olney is not someone you want to do business with.

It has been estimated he owes freelancers anywhere between $40,000
and $100,000. The courts have already ruled against him in several
cases where freelancers sued him for non-payment. Though Olney has
yet to make good on these court-mandated judgments, auctions run by
Unscrewed have raised several thousand dollars to help freelancers
who were put into dire straits by Olney’s refusal to pay them for
work they had completed.

He is being investigated for charity fraud. Other investigations
of a different nature are ongoing at this time.

The list goes on and on.

Although I had hoped not to involve myself in this further, recent
Olney actions, such as advertising a convention that seems to have
happened only in his own mind, claiming that he is still planning
to publish comic books, targeting foreign artists he hopes have not
heard of him, and attempting to recruit naive American artists, the
greater good demands I and my fellows continue to speak out in this
manner.

Check out the UNSCREWED website for the impressive list of creators
who have signed a version of this warning. Feel free to re-post
this warning, which has been translated into several languages, to
any forum you like.

Anything Olney is involved with should always be consider suspect.

Olney continues to troll - trolling as in a pimp hanging out at the
old bus station - MySpace and message boards and Yahoo groups
looking for fresh meat to exploit, for naive young artists foolish
enough to believe that he's going to give them their big break.
Before they work for him, they should really talk to the many
writers and artists who he hasn't paid for past work. They can find
many of "Olney's Orphans" at the Unscrewed website.

This last bit isn't an update, but bears repeating.

Despite threatening to sue me and many others, Olney has yet to
institute any legal action against anybody. Indeed, as mentioned
above he has been on the receiving end of several lawsuits and has
already had several judgments against him...with more certain to
follow.

You've been warned.

To repeat, feel free to pass this warning around or post it
wherever you like. Oh, sure, I'm setting myself up for another
impotent threat from Olney, but that's a chance I'm more than
willing to take if I can prevent even one fan or pro from getting
involved with this blight on comicdom.

Tony Isabella

Go get 'em, Tiger!

For more info, go to http://www.unscrewedcomic.com/

Performances that suck, and a small emergency

2007-08-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf is not a Southern Baptist priest, surprisingly, but a performer with a so called Circus of Horrors.
Little Dan had to be hospitalized when he accidentally glued even littler Dan to a vacuum cleaner. Pulling said household appliance across the stage with said private part is Dan's act.

“I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short lived.”

He said short lived. OK, it's funnier when I'm the one with the puns.

The Scotsman reports that it took nurses hours to remove the hoover from little Dan's little Dan. They sure had a tall tale to tell when they got home.

I dedicate this song to Dan the Demon Dwarf. Get well soon!

Cut from a Different Cloth

2007-08-20T02:27:00.000-07:00

Those kuh-razy, wacky Southern Baptist priests are at it again.

The Reverend Wiley S. Drake (yes, baptist priests have the greatest names) of the First Southern Baptist Church of Buena Park, California, forgot that endorsing political candidate can cost a church its tax-exempt status when he endorsed Mike "I lost weight, vote for me" Huckabee.

When members of Americans United for the Separation of Church and State pointed out his transgressions, what did the Reverend do? Did he confess his sins? Did he turn the other cheek?

No!

He prayed for them to be punished with death. For starters. (insert Darth Vader breathing)

Drake said the Bible calls for "imprecatory prayer" when someone "attacks the church." He gave as examples of such prayer:

"Persecute them. ... Let them be put to shame and perish."

"Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow."

"Let his children be continually vagabonds, and beg."

If this were one of my beloved comic books, "Wiley Drake" would probably turn out to be a demon posing as a priest, but in the real world, he's just another man of the cloth who completely misunderstood the assignment.

I mean, wouldn't it be easier to just pray for Huckabee to win?

My Judgment of Paris

2007-08-15T13:15:00.000-07:00

Some American friends are traveling to Paris and asked me what else there is to do than the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre and spotting President Sarkozy's mistresses.

I started writing down things off the top of my head, and since that stopped me from writing a blog entry, I'm just copying and pasting it here for your informative information informating.

High things to get on other than the Eiffel Tower
► Ferris wheel in the jardin des tuileries
► Tour Montparnasse (a very tall very ugly building - nice thing about this view is that you cannot see the Tour Montparnasse when you're on it)

Slightly creepy but still marvelous things
Père Lachaise cemetery - some of these tombs are hundreds of years old in this veritable necropolis. Plus, you can visit the graves of Oscar Wilde, Edith Piaf, Jim Morrison and French kings and poets and philosophers. Look for the fabulous black and white marble tomb of a 1920s flapper girl socialite with a hand-written note on a framed autographed picture on the marble coffin reading "Death does not become me, does it?"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pere_Lachaise

The Catacombs
In the late 1700s, these old Roman tunnels were turned into a mass burial sites to clean up unsanitary churchyard cemeteries. The result is spooky and filled with more history than you can shake a thigh bone at. Decorative arrangements of skulls and bones on the walls, an underground chapel and tales of the French resistance using the tunnels during WW II.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris_catacombs

The old "Muséum national d'histoire naturelle"
(natural history museum) is situated in the gorgeous botanical garden (Jardins des Plantes) and is a breath-taking old building filled with dinosaur bones and two-headed mutant lizards in pickle jars. It's like a journey through time to when museums were still cool.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mus%C3%A9um_National_d%27Histoire_Naturelle

Shopping
La Rue Mouffetard
Very lively, long and winding street with an open market, traditional Parisian bistros and cafés and small shops. Buy some jujubes from the open market to nibble on. Try on some shoes. Have a chocolat chaud.

The Bouquinistes on the banks of the Seine
At several stretches along the river Seine, you find these little used book stalls that have been around forever. Some of them sell ancient books, some sell used comic books from last year, some sell 60s magazines. How about getting a 1960s issue of Elle with Twiggy on the cover as a unique souvenir?

Flee market at Saint Ouen
Only on weekends, and not for you if you hate crowds! Everything from cheap knock-off clothes to antiques and arts and crafts. And thousands of people.
http://www.parispuces.com/en/Default.asp

At the other end of the spectrum: Avenue Montaigne
Christian Dior, Chanel, Pierre Cardin, Christian Lacroix... For the material girls in you.

You should also check out the Galeries Lafayette on the Boulevard Lafayette, one of the fanciest department stores in the world.

Gayish things
Le Marais
Several gay stores and gay owned restaurants on and around the street Rue Ste. Croix de la Bretonnerie. You'll also find the Picasso museum and the beautiful Place des Vosges here, so bring some time and comfortable shoes.

Et bon voyage!

Random disturbing political photo combined with an Irving Berlin song

2007-08-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

If you're blue and you don't know

where to go to why don't you go

where fashion sits...

Putin on the 'roids!

Reasons Rove Really Resigned

2007-08-14T00:04:00.000-07:00

Lots of people still trying to figure it out. Why now? Why him?

Maybe as the ultimate insider, he knew things that we don't that would make him leave, like:

Bush is dying of colon cancer, and Rove didn't wanna work for president Cheney.

Cheney is dying of heart failure, and Rove didn't wanna work for president Bush.

Laura switched from Xanax to meth and is making everybody's life in the White House a living hell.

Jeff Guckert is writing a book on how his affair with Rove got him in and out the White House without Secret Service logs showing it.

Barney the dog is writing a book on his affair with Rove.

...or maybe he just wants to spend more time with his family. His new family at DefJam Records?

MC Karl Rove - Rapping It Up
Hochgeladen von blackdesperadoo

Thought of the day

2007-08-13T04:26:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be funny if Karl Rove had left his job at the White House to work for John McCain's campaign?

What, you were expecting compassion?

2007-08-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

Cecil Howard Sinclair spent many years in the service of his country, but there will be no service in his memory at the "High Point" mega church in Arlington, Texas because the Navy Veteran who served in Desert Storm was also gay. As MSNBC and the Houston Chronicle report, "High Point" reached a moral low point when they first agreed to do the service, then embarrassed and spat in the face of Sinclair's grieving family, all the while claiming "It's not that we didn't love the family." They just can't be seen to show compassion to a man who had a loving relationship to another man, nor to his family. The shameful pastor in question is Gary Simons, brother in law of Joel Osteen, of the enormous Lakewood Church in Houston, America's largest church.

I am no Christian, but it seems to be quite clear that you can't be much further removed from the teachings of Jesus Christ than some of those mega churches. Somebody call Prince, there're Thieves in the Temple tonight.

Patti Austin Is Still All There

2007-08-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

Even though she literally lost half her weight after gastric bypass surgery, Patti Austin proves that she is still all there, both on her puntastically titled latest CD, Avant Gershwin, and in a truly fabulous interview she granted the Bay Area Reporter. Please go and read the whole thing, it'll do more for your brains than checking up on what Britney's been doing wrong again.

Patti discusses the lack of great song writers that I blogged about a few days ago.

Every generation gets the music it deserves. This generation is getting the music it deserves, unfortunately, because our generation did not fight for this generation to be educated musically. As a result, the music is exactly what you get when you don't know anything about music!

That's an interesting point I didn't consider - music education was already considered quite unimportant when I was in highschool in the 80s, and programs have been cut a lot more since then. And while not every songwriter had a great theoretical knowledge of music, I agree that it can't hurt.

Patti has never shied away from the odd jocular comment about other singers and their vocal abilities and affectations, and this interview is no exception:

Quite a few years later, [Rosemary Clooney] backed me into a corner and said, "I don't want you to ever stop singing the Great American Songbook. You must continue to sing it, because you are the heir apparent." I said, "Well, I'll take that. Can I get it in writing maybe?" She said, "You don't need it in writing, you are it." I said, "What about Natalie Cole?" And she used a very bad word with Natalie's name in reference to it. I said, "You're talking about genetic perfection here, Nat King Cole's daughter! She's no fricking slouch." She said, "Well, you'll be Ella and Sarah. The bottom line is, I'm calling you the heir apparent. Go get it, and don't stop singing this music."

Now go read the damn thing. Or if you need to be convinced that laying off the pork chops did not make Patti lose her vocal chops, compare these two clips from before and after the weight loss:

Before

After:

Oh, and it's Patti's 59th birthday tomorrow!

Nevada's Governor: Strong on Security. Not.

2007-08-08T03:34:00.001-07:00

The good people of Nevada must have been fully aware they elected a moron to office when they picked Jim Gibbons. After all, he thought it was a good idea to get drunk with a cocktail waitress in public while his campaign was in full swing. And then to accompany her to her car and let her drive home drunk.

And now this boy genius proved that he is a security mastermind, posting his own Outlook password on the Internets.

Good to see that politics can still be entertaining even in the absence of Kitty Harris.

Sigh.

2007-08-07T05:16:00.000-07:00

I miss Kitty.

So I checked her Wikipedia entry, but all I found was this:

Post-legislative career

Harris was photographed passing out business cards prior to the 2007 State of the Union Address.

And that's it! A woman who once worked so hard none of her staffers could put up, I mean, keep up with her, reduced to sitting at home torturing large rodents?

Will somebody get that woman a reality TV show already? Bravo? Spike? Anyone? It could be called "Hello Kitty!"

Lee Hazlewood passes away

2007-08-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

The man who helped Nancy Sinatra be more than just "Frank's daughter" is gone.

Here is a wonderful ditty he and Nancy recorded together.

Is Tommy "Testes" Tester Out on Bail Already?

2007-08-06T04:53:00.000-07:00

"Not fully clothed" man jumps White House fence
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A 22-year-old man who was "not fully clothed" jumped the north fence into the White House grounds on Sunday and was immediately apprehended, the U.S. Secret Service said.

Hmm... No wait, that guy was only 22. I guess Tommy is still safely in his cell, sharing quality time with his cell mate Bruno, the hermaphrodite hooker with a heart of gold.

Battling Fear with Tommy Tester

2007-08-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

Turns out there was a perfectly good explanation for why Southern Baptist pastor Tommy "Testes" Tester offered sexual favors to the cop who came to arrest him for exposing his little savior to some children - he was afraid of him:

"He said they (Johnson City police) scared him--he was scared to death and didn't know what he'd said or what he'd admitted or anything else," Morris said.
According to the Johnson City Press article, Tester allegedly pulled up in a blue 2007 Toyota Camry and offered to give Johnson City police officers oral sex when they arrived at 308 S. Belmont Street to investigate a report of indecent exposure.

Now, I heard about imagining the other person naked when you're nervous in a job interview or a similar situation, but this seem to go a little far, doesn't it? I mean, I'm afraid of the dentist, but I've never offered him oral sex. Maybe it's all part of Southern hospitality?

An Update on Tommy "Testes" Tester

2007-08-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

According to bgay.com, divine drag queen drunk driver Tommy "Testes" Tester worked for the Christian Radio station WZAP-AM. The station is obviously named after gay director John Water's trademark "Zap!" sound effect in the legendary "Homer's Phobia" episode of The Simpsons.

Who knew Christian radio in the South was this fabulous?

Their e-mail address is RAMorris@wzapradio.com .
Let's flood them with requests for a fitting soundtrack to this deliciously sordid affair, like the Weather Girls' It's Raining Men, Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive and Carl Bean's I Was Born this Way. Any song from the Priscilla, Queen of the Desert movie will do, too.

Rumors that said movie will be remade once again for American audiences, this time as Tommy Tester, Trollop of Tennessee, have not been substantiated at this time.

He Can Seek Group Therapy with Pastor Meth

2007-08-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

Tommy Tester (does that sound like a porn name to anyone else?), a baptist minister, was arrested in Tennessee. Evidently, he drove under the influence of vodka and something called oxycodone (I am guessing that's not acne medication?), was wearing a skirt, took a leak in front of some kids at a car wash (won't somebody please think about the children?) and offered oral sex to a police officer.

This guy would be perfect for John McCain's campaign. I hear John is always hiring.

iLitigation

2007-07-31T05:50:00.000-07:00

Talk about buyer's remorse!

A guy called Jose Trujillo is suing Apple because he can't replace the battery in his iPhone himself and it dies a little faster than one should expect in these modern times.

And he's not just trying to get his 533 Dollars and change back. He's asking for 75,000.- because, you know, Apple was mean to him.

I think this case is totally pants.

The Old Songs

2007-07-31T04:09:00.000-07:00

Back in 1975, when the Grammys still meant something, Gladys Knight and the Pips presented the nominees for "Song of the Year" as only they could.

And what songs they were! Like them or not, Feel Like Makin' Love, The Way We Were, You and Me Against the World and Midnight at the Oasis are songs that people still remember, that still play on the radio and that have been covered or sampled by artists from D'Angelo to the Brand New Heavies or the Wu-Tang Clan.

Now name 5 songs that have been nominated for best song over the past 5 years.

That's ok, I'll wait.

Not that those are bad songs (well, some are. James Blunt, anyone?). But I don't even remember the songs by U2 and John Mayer who won in 2005 and 2004. And I like both those acts quite a bit.

Maybe it did make a difference when not everybody considered him or herself a singer/songwriter, when the Brill Building and Motorcity, USA where packed with song writers who did nothing but write songs all day.

One thing's for sure: Today's artists are getting a lot of mileage out of the songs of yesteryear. Michael McDonald recorded two CDs with material pulled from the Motown catalog, Rod Stewart turned crooner for a mind boggling four albums full of compositions that are over half a century old and the above mentioned Gladys Knight released her first Jazz album of standards after about as many years in the business, covering the songs of Ella, Billie and Dinah.

And now the young generation of singers seems to jump on the big bandwagon: The criminally underrated Amel Larrieux (formerly of Groove Theory) released Lovely Standards which does indeed live up to its title, thankfully choosing somewhat more obscure songs from the great jazz era like Wild Is the Wind and If I Were a Bell. And now Canadian R&B and Club diva Deborah Cox delivers a tribute to the incomparable Dinah Washington with Destination Moon, a truly luscious set that the gifted singer recorded live in the studio with a 40 piece orchestra - the way this kind of music is supposed to be made, dag nabbit!

Let's hope that exposure to those great songs will inspire a new generation of song writers to dig a little deeper, try a little harder and find that spark that made those old songs shine so bright. I know there are some talented kids out there (I'm looking at you, Ne-Yo!), but we need a real competition going again so that maybe in a couple of years, Deborah, or Amel or maybe even Gladys will sing, not read, the nominees for Song of the Year and the crowd will go crazy again.

Hey, I can dream, can't I?

No Disrespect Intended

2007-07-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

No disrespect intended, but Chaka Khan's new duet with Mary J. Blige, Disrespectful (hear it for free here) is a bit of a mess.
After 2004's stylish effort Classikhan, which chaka-fied legendary songs like To Sir With Love, Gold Finger or Crazy with the able help of the London Symphony Orchestra, this is going in the opposite direction. Maybe they want to appeal to young crunk fans, but I am not feeling for this.

It's a hard, funky tune, but it's also messy and neither here nor there. Chaka, who just a few months ago proved on the tribute CD "We All Love Ella" that she is indeed capable of singing better than ever, is firmly in screaming mode, as is Mary. Speaking of Screams, if this is indeed the handiwork of überproducers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, why did they have to channel one of their worst efforts, the similarly disjointed and all-over-the-place Scream by Janet and Michael Jackson?

I am still optimistic that I will find things I like on the upcoming album, but I definitely won't purchase it without giving it a good listen first.

I hear that Chaka, one of the very few great soul divas who did not have a strong gospel background, recently found Jesus. Thankfully, that did not stop her from giving the new album the potty-mouth-pun title Funk This. Let's just hope the reviews will deserve to be better than something that almost rhymes with that tilte.

The Sobbing of Doris Troy

2007-07-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

While browsing IMDB, I stumbled across an upcoming movie version of the musical Mama, I Want to Sing!
This, for those who don't know, is the autobiographical musical of the late, great soul singer Doris Troy, who played her own mother in the original stage version of the musical. In London, that part was played by both Chaka Khan and Micah Paris.

The movie has an interesting cast, including musicians Ciara, Ne-Yo, Bobby Valentino, Ralph Tresvant and the one and only Patti Labelle! Also starring is CSI: NY hottie, Hill Harper.

Doris Troy grew up in the Bronx as the daughter of a pentecostal preacher from Barbados. She may not have been the best versed singer technically, but few reached the sheer amount of emotions she could pack into a song. Just listen to her desperate sobbing on "How my Heart Breaks" - a record that, rumor has it, may have featured a young Dwight Reginald a.k.a. Elton John on Piano!

Doris was a talented song writer, and her big hit "Just One Look" was used in so many movies and commercials, as well as getting covered by acts like the Hollies, that it allowed her not to have to starve like so many of her peers.

Doris Troy died of emphysema on February 16, 2004. I hope this movie will be a worthy monument to her and her achievements.

The Secret

2007-03-27T02:52:00.000-07:00

If somebody could write down the main differences between the new self-improvement fad "The Secret" and Scientology down on a postcard - no wait, still wouldn't be interested.

Go peddle dumb, greedy and crazy somewhere else, Oprah. I'm not buying.

A good salon.com article on the subject can be found here.

Dale Eaglesham

2007-03-26T02:21:00.000-07:00

Dale Eaglesham is a heck of a nice guy, an incredible artist and a dyed-in-the-wool professional. After being a well-kept secret in the industry for almost 20 years (his first Marvel work on Conan was in 1986), people finally took notice in a big way with Green Lantern a few years ago, then Sigil (which was cut short due to CrossGen painful implosion), H-E-R-O, the mega-hit Villains United and now one of my favorite super hero franchises, Justice Society of America.

And Dale's art has rarely looked better than in Issue 4. While Art Thibert was the bigger name as far as inkers go, Ruy Jose's style just meshes much better with Dale's. So if you think you know Dale's art from his Green Lantern days, have another look.

New Music: Adriana Evans - El Camino

2007-03-05T07:16:00.000-08:00

I had a chance to hear a track from Adriana's upcoming album "El Camino" today and it's amazing.
The song "Hey Now" goes for a 1970s Marvin Gaye feeling and reminded me most of the song "Come Live With Me Angel" from his "I Want you" album.

Adriana's vocals are joyful and clear as ever, the production is flawless and organic. Can't wait to get my hands on this album, which will be released this month on Expansion records in the US and will only be available as an overpriced import in the US for the time being.

Pastor Meth Proclaims Himself Cured!

2007-03-05T06:22:00.000-08:00

Reverend Ted Haggard, the pride of Coloarado closets, says he is now "completely heterosexual." I'm sure the members of his church will now pray for him to also stop being a meth-smoker and a grade-A creep.
Chances are, they'll come up 0 for 3.

Rev. Ted Haggard "cured."

Hypocrite Homophobe Priest Fired

2007-02-28T04:32:00.000-08:00

The Rev. Samuel C. Pascoe proved a lot more tolerant of adultery than of homosexuals.
Buh-bye.

If this was a made-for-HBO movie, all of his three sons would come out as gay now.

Anglicans fire conservative Clay priest

Disney Trying to Subvert "Gay Day"?

2007-02-22T08:07:00.000-08:00

My friend MikeLand made an interesting observation here.

I received an email from WDW yesterday announcing their "Disney Night of a Lifetime Giveaway" exclusively for travel agents. Basically, for every booking a travel agent makes in the month of March, they can enter into a sweepstakes for a WDW vacation, including a night at the castle. Another prize is also a night at the Mickey Mouse suite at the Disneyland Hotel on June 23rd.

What I found interesting when reading the rules was that the night at the castle MUST be take on June 2, 2007. It so happens that June 2nd is Gay Day at the Magic Kingdom!

Coincidence? I don't think so. Are they trying to shield a "regular" family from having to be at the park on Gay Day? Or worse, are they trying to keep a Gay family from staying at the Castle Suite that night in case one of us happens to be a winner that night?

2007-02-22T03:10:00.000-08:00

Somembody nearly got sued!

In related news: Motown got the studio to issue a disclaimer, saying that Dreamgirls is a work of fiction (snicker). See, I still can't do it.

Motown obtains Dreamgirls disclaimer (Reuters via Yahoo)